A Ninja on the Edge of Nowhere
by FriedIce
Summary: 25 years ago, the Uzumaki's were all but wiped out. Their survivors, chased throughout the galaxy, hid themselves amongst ordinary men and women. Uzumaki Naruto, son of Uzumaki Kushina, is one of the few remaining. This is his life. Contains an intelligent Naruto.
1. Scouting for Girls

**Chapter One – Scouting for Girls**

_My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like many things, including, but not limited to, ramen. I also have many dislikes, not the least of which is the time it takes for ramen to cook. How old am I? Old enough to know better, but too young to really care. I don't really feel like sharing my dreams for the future with you, after all, we've only just met. As for my hobbies, I enjoy doing things that I like and, as I said before, I like many things._

Uzumaki Naruto was the type of person who liked to test himself. When he was younger this involved pulling outrageous stunts like painting the Hokage Monument with neon paint in broad daylight, then seeing how long it took him to ditch the ANBU chasing him afterwards – all while wearing an orange jumpsuit.

Now he was older, however, things had changed. He wasn't particularly fond of the colour orange, for one, and vandalism was _so _cliché. Besides, he was out of paint.

So Naruto had to find other ways to spend his free time. Ways which involved him breaking into top-secret high-security military facilities – the kind which he shouldn't even know existed – and stealing their files for some light reading.

Granted, that sort of infiltration was hardly challenging for Naruto as he had managed to steal the forbidden scroll from one of the most heavily guarded buildings when he was merely twelve, but he had to do something to pass the time, right?

Of course, the major downside to breaking into those sorts of places was that he really couldn't afford to get caught. Not only would it blow his cover, but Naruto really didn't have the time nor money to deal with being arrested. That meant that it wasn't a good idea to carry out said 'missions' in broad daylight. Which in turn meant that Naruto ended up losing quite a lot of sleep.

As a direct result of this, Naruto tended to catch up sleep whenever – and wherever – possible, which was quite often in class.

"Naruto! Pay attention!"

Naruto snapped his head up sharply, his eyes meeting those of an infuriated Iruka.

"How many times have I told you," Iruka shouted at Naruto, "and Shikamaru, both—" Here Iruka threw a piece of chalk at the lazy Nara, who had been sleeping peacefully as well. "—NOT TO SLEEP IN MY LESSONS!"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head and donned a sheepish grin.

"Hehehe, sorry, Iruka-sensei?" he tried, looking to Shikamaru for help.

The lazy genius merely shrugged.

"Three today, but in total we're up to three hundred and seventy-six," Shikamaru intoned lazily before crossing his arms and preparing to fall asleep again.

Iruka ignored both of the previously sleeping students and continued his trail of thought into a lecture.

"I know all of you think that because it's the end of term, you can slack off, but," Iruka raised his voice, directing it towards the apparently now-again sleeping Shikamaru. "THAT IS NOT THE CASE!"

Shikamaru jumped slightly, but otherwise ignored Iruka.

"Why is this?" Iruka asked the class after calming down.

A pink haired student supplied the answer.

"Exams!" she said happily.

At the mention of the 'E-word' the entire class groaned in annoyance. Personally, Naruto expected Shikamaru to add his view now—

"Troublesome," the Nara commented.

—And there it was, like clockwork.

"Thank you, Sakura," Iruka continued. "These exams begin next week, on Monday, so don't even think about being late, or you _will_ fail—"

The bell rang throughout the Academy, signalling the end of class for the day. The entire class started to pack up.

"Shikamaru," Iruka said above the chatter. "Can you stay behind after class? I want to speak to you."

Shikamaru raised his eyebrows, shooting an inquisitive look at Naruto, who merely smirked knowingly in return before leaving the class room.

Shikamaru stood in front of Iruka, holding his books in his arms when the sensei motioned for him to follow.

"Let's have this discussion in my office, shall we not?" Iruka asked.

* * *

When the Nara emerged from Iruka's office nearly thirty minutes later, Naruto was waiting for him, the knowing smirk still on his lips. Falling into pace with his friend, Naruto was the first to speak.

"So you finally got scouted, eh?" he asked with a grin. "I was wondering how long it would take for them to get around to it."

Shikamaru shrugged.

"How old were you?" he asked.

It was Naruto's turn to shrug.

"I was twelve. After the 'incident', it was the only way for jiji-san to get me out of the mess alive." Naruto sighed. "But I figured they'd jump on you earlier, you know, due to your heritage… Damn, I owe Chouji 500 Ryo…"

"Wait," Shikamaru stopped. "You mean _Chouji_ got scouted before me?"

"Yeah, around three months ago, actually," Naruto informed the Nara. "From what I can grasp from my conversations with jiji-san, they had some concerns… Well, they had some concerns about all of us, really…"

Shikamaru raised his eyebrows.

"Really?" he asked, somewhat intrigued.

"Well, with Chouji, they were afraid the enemy would be able to bribe secrets out of him with a packet of crisps," Naruto snickered at the look on the Nara's face. "I'm not even kidding… And with Sasuke—"

"Wait, they recruited _emo-chan!_"

"Yep," Naruto said, enjoying the look of shock on his friend's face. "In fact, he was the first bar me to be scouted. Their only worry with him was that he was a little—" Shikamaru snorted. "—unhinged. He was brought in when he was only fourteen."

Shikamaru whistled.

"That's young," he commented.

"Yeah," Naruto agreed. "They're calling him 'Rookie of the Year' or something at jiji's office."

"So, who else got scouted?"

"Well," Naruto checked them off on his fingers. "You'll be wanting the names of the people we know, right? Well, in order of scouting, we have: Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Hyuuga Hinata, Aburame Shino, Inuzuka Kiba, Yamanaka Ino, Akimichi Chouji and then you, Nara Shikamaru."

Shikamaru frowned.

"Only nine?" he asked.

Naruto shook his head.

"Nah, there are others, but they're in other schools and we don't know them as well." Naruto suddenly looked down at his watch. "Crap! Ero-sennin and I are scheduled for a video chat in ten minutes!"

Naruto fumbled around in his bag before pulling out what looked like a manga volume before handing it to Shikamaru.

"Here's the next volume," he said with a small smile. "It's pretty interesting. You can burn it when you're done with it."

Shikamaru nodded, accepting the book.

"Well, gotta run, see you later, Shikamaru!"

With that, Naruto dashed off, effectively leaving Shikamaru in a cloud of dust. Shikamaru shrugged and opened the manga, smirking when he saw that instead of stylised cartoon drawing there were pages and pages of coded text. His smirk grew wider when he saw scribbles in the margin.

"He left cliff-notes. How kind."

* * *

Hi no Kuni, or Fire Country, was a pleasant enough place to live. It was famed throughout the entirety of Element-0 as being one of the few places you could still find trees growing naturally in the wild. Despite the highly developed status of their capital city, parks filled with green could still be found amongst the metal high-tech of the buildings.

Uzumaki Naruto considered himself lucky that his apartment included a view over one of these infamous parks.

When he'd first moved into an apartment, it had been in the city centre and, in all honesty, a dump. Naruto couldn't quite fathom how the owner had gotten it past health and safety regulations, but the blonde supposed a few well-placed bribes could get you anywhere, really.

Well-placed bribes, however, weren't nearly as effective as having someone quite as efficient as Ero-sennin as a godfather. Seriously, Naruto thought, that man – despite his perverted tendencies – could really get the job done. Five minutes of phone-calls had been all it had taken him to get Naruto his current apartment – for a discount. A large discount.

Naruto swiped his key-card through a strip reader and punched in his code to enter his apartment. The place was fairly clean – well, as clean as the living quarters of any teenager can be – and had a light, airy feel to it. Still, to Naruto, it felt empty.

At seventeen years of age, Naruto would have liked to have a more personal apartment. Perhaps he could have a photo of his parents on his desktop, or a framed image of his friends hanging on the wall, but as it was, he wasn't supposed to have friends and he most certainly wasn't supposed to know who his parents were.

Naruto sighed and turned on his computer, the modern piece of equipment flashing to life. Ero-sennin often complained about Naruto's disrespect for computers, as Naruto tended to go through them at a rate of about two a year. Most of the time, he'd just fry the hard-drive by pushing the things too far.

An icon flashed on the screen in front of Naruto. Hitting enter, a window popped up.

"Well, if it isn't my most youthful student!"

Naruto felt like facepalming.

"Ero-sennin, stop channelling Gai or else I _will_ tell Tsunade about what happened on the night of my sixteenth birthday," Naruto warned.

The man shown in the window straightened up. He was dressed casually, in an unironed shirt and his white hair was pulled back into a ponytail.

"You wouldn't dare…" The man began, but trailed off when he saw the look in Naruto's eye. "OK, granted you probably would." When Naruto's glare didn't let up, the man waved his hands in surrender. "OK, OK, I give in! No more Gai! I promise!"

Naruto cracked a smile.

"How are things going down your way, Jiraiya-sensei?" he asked

"Great," Jiraiya replied easily. "I've had this really cool idea for the next Icha Icha book…"

"Tsunade," Naruto said. Jiraiya flinched.

"What about you?" Jiraiya said hurriedly.

Naruto grinned.

"Really well, actually," he replied. "Shikamaru got scouted. I reckon he's the last, which makes it nine people I actually know who got scouted. Only one of them is from a civilian family, actually."

Jiraiya made a show of raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, who is he?"

"She," Naruto corrected. "Name's Haruno Sakura, daughter of merchants. Bit of a bookworm and her scores remain the undisputed best for all of the girls in our year. The Uchiha usually beats her, but that's to be expected, given his heritage."

"Oh, he was the 'Rookie of the Year' that the old geezer was telling me about."

"Yep, that's him," Naruto nodded.

"Wasn't he, I dunno, a bit psychotic?" Jiraiya asked.

Naruto laughed. Jiraiya just look confused.

"Yeah, I guess he was," he said. "But the faculty picked up on this and he's been in counselling since he was around thirteen. Of course, he still has _some_ issues, but he's better than before."

"So," Jiraiya said. "Exams on Monday, eh? How do you reckon you're going to do?"

Naruto shrugged indifferently.

"I don't know," he said. "At the moment I'm debating whether or not I should pass, fail, or fail spectacularly."

"Naruto, this is your third time doing the end of year exams. Both of the previous times they've made you take summer classes due to your abominable grades. I would have thought the second time, at least…"

"I'll have you know that those summer classes were fantastic cover for whatever missions I wanted to do during the holidays," Naruto said, sounding offended. "Besides," he broke into an easy grin. "You know what they say: 'Try again. Fail again. Fail Better.'"

"I didn't know you read Samuel Beckett, Naruto," Jiraiya commented. "I didn't know you read."

Recognising that this was a jibe at Naruto's steadfast refusal to read the best-selling Icha Icha Paradise books, Naruto shrugged.

"I just don't read crap," he intoned dryly.

"I'll have you know that I'm a critically acclaimed author!" Jiraiya cried in mock offence.

"Yes, an acclaimed author who also writes porn under a pseudonym," Naruto replied, his tone still dry. "I've read 'The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi', which is _the_ critically acclaimed book, but I refuse to read your X-rated stuff. Seriously, I found one of those books in the school library the other day. I don't even want to know how it got there."

"You wound me, kid, with your harsh words," Jiraiya said, feigning hurt.

"Drama queen," Naruto commented.

Jiraiya pouted.

"If you're not going to behave, I'm just going to shut down this computer," Naruto warned.

Jiraiya straightened up again.

"Oh, guess what!" Jiraiya suddenly cried, making Naruto jump slightly. "I know who your mentor's gonna be!"

Naruto raised his eyebrows.

"Is that so?" he asked.

"Yeah, I was in the Hokage's office the other day, ah, picking up a few things," Naruto did not miss the hesitation and decided that he did not want to know what Jiraiya was doing there. "And he had the assignments on his desktop. I'd bring a book to orientation, kid, as your mentor's gonna be at least one hour late."

"Noted," Naruto said with a nod. "Why'd they assign me a mentor, though?"

"No clue, kid, no clue," Jiraiya said. "Aren't you going to try and guess who it is?"

Naruto shook his head. "Why bother? I'll find out soon enough."

Seeing Jiraiya's disappointment, Naruto sighed.

"You?" he tried.

"Nope," Jiraiya grinned.

That stumped Naruto. Who was it then? He decided to try another name.

"Tsunade?"

"Not even close."

"Shizune?"

"No."

"Damnit! Jiji-san?"

"No, but in a round-about way you_ are _getting warmer…"

"Um, Asuma?"

"Nope, but good guess."

"Don't tell me _Anko_ of all people…"

"Nah, she's still not allowed near minors."

"Gai's already got a group to mentor, right?"

"Yes, so you're safe from the springtime of youth, kid."

Naruto frowned. He wasn't really the type to give up, but…

"Alright, you win. Who is it?"

Jiraiya donned an ear-to-ear grin. " You didn't guess, so I won't tell." Jiraiya paused, glancing at his watch. "Well, it's getting late, I've got places to be, things to do, eye-candy to stalk. Talk later, kid."

Before Naruto could get a word in edgeways, Jiraiya had closed his video chat. Sometimes Naruto's godfather was _insufferable_…

* * *

Kakashi hated suits. Which made it somewhat ironic that he worked the stock markets in his spare time. Of course, that wasn't his _real_ job, and at Kakashi's _real_ job he rarely had to wear a suit. This was one of the rare occasions.

"Hokage-sama," he said as he bowed upon entering the office.

"Ah, Kakashi, please, sit," the Hokage said, looking up from a piece of paperwork.

Kakashi did as he was told, taking a seat in one of the comfy leather chairs opposite the Hokage. For a moment, silence reigned in the office as the Hokage finished off his paperwork. Then, he looked up.

"Kakashi," the old man said slowly, "I'm assigning you a group to mentor."

"I refuse." Kakashi's reply came immediately and succinctly.

"I'm afraid that wasn't a request or a question, Kakashi," the Hokage replied.

"Neither was my refusal," Kakashi replied, getting ready to leave.

The Hokage sighed. Time to try a different approach.

"Well, the thing is, I would have assigned these three to someone else, but I would have thought you'd like the opportunity to teach your sensei's son."

Kakashi stopped midway through his exit.

"Sensei's … son?"

"Yes, you may have heard about him; he was quite the prankster when he was younger," the Hokage smiled. "Uzumaki Naruto… He has grown up very well."

Kakashi sat back down.

"Who else is in this group I'm supposed to mentor?" he asked.

The Hokage made a show of checking the details.

"Ah, here we are," he said as if just finding the details on his computer. "Assigned to Hatake Kakashi we have Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura."

"You're giving me the Rookie of the Year?" Kakashi exclaimed. "How desperate _are_ you for me to take a team?"

"Very desperate," the Hokage conceded. "So what do you say?"

"Do I have a choice?"

The Hokage smiled.

"Not even in the slightest."

* * *

Naruto sighed as he handed in his answer sheet. He'd decided to pass after all. Jiraiya would kill him if he didn't visit at least once during the summer and summer school was beginning to seem like a bit of a drag. Or rather, Naruto thought with a grin, it was becoming troublesome.

Naruto, however, didn't believe in doing anything halfway. So now he'd just turned in a perfect answer sheet. People would now be wondering how on earth the 'Dobe' managed to achieve his score and why they hadn't spotted him cheating.

As he handed the sheet to Iruka, the scar-faced teacher nodded and handed Naruto a slip of paper. A quick bit of decoding later, and Naruto was headed to an empty classroom, the place where he would apparently meet his mentor and the group of people who would be mentored by the same person.

Remembering Jiraiya's advice, Naruto pulled out a volume of 'manga' and began to decode the contents he'd put in place of the drawings. He was just getting to a really interesting piece of classified information when—

"Naruto? What the hell are you doing here?"

—his peace was so rudely interrupted.

"I presume I'm here for the same thing you are," Naruto replied. Sakura looked like she was about to say something, but Naruto continued. "I'm here for remedial lessons. Though I can't imagine why _you'd_ need remedial lessons. Is it for sport?"

Sakura sighed and sat down next to Naruto, laid a hand on his knee and gazed sympathetically at him.

"Naruto, I'm not here for remedial lessons," she said as if she were explaining something to a three year old. "I think you have the wrong room."

Naruto put a hand on Sakura's shoulder and imitated her tone.

"Sakura," he said. "I know. Neither am I."

Sakura stood up in shock.

"What are you here for then?" she asked.

"The same thing as you, I presume," he intoned dryly before turning back to his book, only to be drawn back into conversation by the arrival of a certain black-haired 'prodigy'.

"Naruto? What are you doing here?"

"Actually, Sasuke, what are _you_ doing here?" Naruto retorted. "Sakura and I are here for remedial lessons, though I can't imagine _you_ needing any, Uchiha-_sama_."

Naruto made an effort to turn back to his book.

"Huh? Dobe, you actually know how to read?" Sasuke asked, sitting a fair bit away at an empty desk.

"What do you take me for?" Naruto asked, sounding mildly offended. "I brought a manga for that reason; there are lots of pictures for me to look at."

Grinning to himself at the irony of it all, Naruto turned back to deciphering the code.

It took about fifteen minutes before Sasuke and Sakura grew restless.

"No, seriously, dobe, why are you here?" Sasuke asked. "The only reason I can fathom can't be true as you weren't on the list of this year's rookie-scouts."

"Scouting?" Naruto asked, screwing up his face into a frown, playing his role of 'dead last' to its full potential. "Are you talking about modelling Sasuke? Sure, if you want to encourage your fan-girls, go ahead, but I never really pinned you for the type."

Naruto smirked inwardly when he saw the Uchiha narrow his eyes at him. Score one to the Uzumaki!

Naruto let Sasuke fume for two minutes before dropping a titbit into the conversation to liven it up a bit.

"And besides," Naruto said simply. "Of course I wasn't on the list of this year's scouts. I was scouted a few years back."

"What?" Sakura jumped in. "They scouted _you_ when you were _sixteen_? Don't be ridiculous!"

"Sixteen?" Naruto asked, frowning again. "Did I say sixteen?" He paused. "No, I didn't say sixteen…"

Sasuke, instead of jumping back at Naruto with a retort, considered what Naruto had said. _He was scouted a few years back? But I've been watching the lists of the year's scouts since I was brought in… That either means that Naruto is ridiculously good at bluffing, or he was scouted earlier. But they told me that fourteen was unusually young to be brought in…_

Naruto ignored Sakura and went back to his book. After a couple of minutes, he put down the book and turned to Sasuke.

"I'd find something to do if I were you," he advised. "I have it on good authority that our mentor's going to be at least an hour late."

Sasuke sighed and pulled out a pad of paper, deciding to create a new code with the spare time. When he realised that Sakura really wasn't going to stop yelling, he looked up and asked:

"Sakura, I didn't realise you cared about Naruto so much," he said.

Sakura promptly shut up leaving the trio in blissful quiet.

* * *

Kakashi smirked as he sipped a cup of coffee. He checked his watch. Ah, he was two hours late, well, now he could feel safe going to meet his protégés.

Of all the things that Kakashi expected when he went into the classroom, it was not the sight that he got. From what he heard about Naruto, he expected some form of prank to hit him the moment he opened the door, but that wasn't the case.

It was actually quite a quiet scene that greeted Kakashi when he walked through the door. In fact, Kakashi, having read all of his future students' profiles did not expect the peace. Chaos would have been less unsettling.

Nearest the door, seemingly absorbed in making notes was the Uchiha prodigy. His black hair was cut so the bangs fell down, obscuring his eyes from view and he had a sort of sullen air to him. Sat next to the window, gazing out over the city, was Haruno Sakura. Pink hair blew softly in the breeze. She looked rather serene.

But the thing that upset Kakashi was the sight of Uzumaki Naruto. The kid was a spitting image of his father, with blond hair and happy blue eyes, but with his mother's face shape and features. He was deep in concentration, apparently reading manga and was the only one who appeared to have noticed Kakashi's entrance.

"My first impression of you guys…" Kakashi said. "I don't like you."

Sasuke and Sakura's heads both snapped up, focusing on Kakashi. Naruto acknowledged him with a sort of weary acceptance.

"Roof, now," Kakashi commanded, turning to leave.

* * *

_Jiraiya… I'm going to kill you… KAKASHI, of all people?_

Naruto muttered the many, many curses that Tsunade had taught him under his breath as he snapped his book of code shut and trudged up to the roof. When he was younger, fresh into the Academy, he used to come up here a lot to cut classes.

When he got to the roof, Kakashi was waiting for them, reading a book that Naruto recognised.

_Icha, Icha Paradise … Volume III? __I am going to KILL you Jiraiya…_

Kakashi looked up from his book.

"Why don't we introduce ourselves?" he asked. "Just say your name, age, likes, dislikes, hobbies and dreams for the future."

Naruto looked incredulously at Kakashi. _Like hell I'm telling you that… What you need to know is on my file…_

"Why don't you give us a demonstration?" Sakura asked.

Naruto felt like facepalming. _Sakura, you are SEVENTEEN, and you need someone to show you how to INTRODUCE yourself?_

Kakashi smiled.

"My name is Hatake Kakashi."

_Ah, Hatake Kakashi, the famed copy-nin. Well, at least we get a celebrity teacher…_

"Age is just a number."

_Hm, he said that with a bit of resentment… I read on his file that he was a prodigy… Does he resent those lost years?_

"My likes and dislikes, hehe, I don't feel like talking about those at the moment…"

_Well, if that book was anything to go by, I don't really feel like hearing about them either…_

"Dreams for the future? Well, I guess that I've never really thought about those…"

_So he doesn't really like to think about the future? My guess is he lives a bit in the past, perhaps after a death?_

"As for hobbies, I have lots of hobbies."

_Hm, I guess he really _does_ have lots of hobbies, wonder what they are…_

Kakashi ginned. "Your turn!" he said happily.

"All we learned was his name," Sakura grumbled.

_Guess she missed all that, _Naruto thought with a shrug.

Realising that Kakashi was looking pointedly at him, Naruto smiled.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto…"

* * *

_Teehee, here's the first chapter. Review please! Also, please note, this isn't highschool/ yaoi Naruto. This is sci-fi. The highschool aspect should end with this chapter. We just needed a method to introduce the characters._

_Over and out,_

_FriedIce_


	2. The Prodigy

**Chapter Two –The Prodigy  
**

_The T&I Department: Konohagakure's very own version of the Spanish Inquisition, except, sometimes you can predict when they'll arrive. The reason for this is that ANBU HQ and the T&I Department are home to certain individuals whose _unique _traits make it rather difficult for them to blend into everyday society. Individuals like Mitarashi Anko…_

"Hello, I have a package for Mitarashi Anko," Naruto said as he stood in front of a desk in the foyer of ANBU HQ.

The secretary looked up from her computer's holographic display.

"OK," she said calmly, smiling brilliantly at Naruto. "Just leave it here and I'll be sure to—"

"I've been told to deliver it personally to her hands," Naruto interrupted. "It's worth more than my job."

The secretary frowned.

"Kid," she asked, "how old are you?"

Naruto creased his brow. Why would she need to know that? Unless…

"I'm eighteen ma'am," Naruto lied with a smile.

The secretary breathed a sigh of relief, before pulling out an electronic tablet and tapping it.

"Just sign in first," she said, turning back to her computer. "Her office is on the third floor."

Naruto grinned as he took the tablet from the woman. It was almost too easy. Now, time to think of a cover identity…

Well, Hatake Kakashi it was. Vengeance was sweet.

After Naruto signed his mentor's name in the box on the tablet, he handed it back to the secretary and began to trek up the stairs to Anko's office.

* * *

"Yo," Kakashi said, casually bringing a hand up by way of a greeting.

Yagami Hitoki glanced up from the screens he had been intently monitoring. Spotting Kakashi, he offered a smile to the white-haired man.

"Yo," he greeted in reply and waved Kakashi into a chair next to him. "Want to see how your faithful minions are doing?"

Kakashi nodded in what Gai would consider a very 'hip' manner.

"How'd the Uchiha do?"

"He was caught almost the moment he tried to get into the file room and Haruno as soon as she got to the floor; only Uzumaki is left."

Kakashi nodded and looked at the screens. Almost immediately, he spotted a blank screen in the top right hand corner of the wall.

"Why isn't that one on?" Kakashi asked, pointing to the black box.

Hitoki sighed.

"That one was supposed to correspond to the camera in Mitarashi-san and Morino-san's office," he explained. "However, almost immediately after we'd installed it, it stopped working. We sent a maintenance crew in, but when they came back they were suffering heavily from PTSD and unable to talk about the events that transpired within the office. Management haven't sent anybody in since."

Kakashi nodded sagely.

"I understood at 'Mitarashi'," he said, then froze. He looked around frantically as if he half expected the crazy woman to be standing behind him. Seeing he was alone, Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief. "So," he went on, "what of the Uzumaki?"

Hitoki rewound the footage to show Naruto's entrance to ANBU HQ.

"It went like this…"

Hitoki paused the footage as it showed three youths slouched against the railings of the bridge across the way from ANBU HQ…

(At the beginning of the day)

When Kakashi had told them to come dressed 'appropriately' for the Bell Test, Sasuke had dug out an old semi-smart suit so he could blend into the crowd better. Sakura had done the same. Naruto, however, was dressed even more casually than normal, which was saying something given his blatant disregard for the uniform regulations at the Academy.

Battered jeans hung off his hips and a hoodie was slung over his torso. He'd placed a cap on his head, somehow squashing his spikey blond hair under it and had a messenger bag slung over his shoulder. He was slouching against the railings on the bridge where they had agreed to meet, the picture of casualness.

Sakura and Sasuke were tense, the former paying nervously with her hair, whereas Naruto was irritatingly relaxed, reading yet another manga. They'd been waiting there for three hours already – Naruto only for one; he'd turned up two hours late after yesterday – and Kakashi still hadn't shown. They remained in relative silence – as silent as you could be with Sakura's constant nattering – for fifteen minutes, before Naruto apparently got tired of waiting and snapped his book shut.

"Come out Kakashi, you're not fooling anyone," he said impatiently.

Sakura, who had just been about to launch into a thrilling narrative of her daily skin routine, opened her mouth to snap at Naruto, when Kakashi emerged from behind a newspaper at the coffee shop across the street. Sakura openly gaped at Kakashi, turning between him and Naruto in shock. Sasuke raised an eyebrow quizzically. Naruto smirked.

Kakashi walked over to the trio calmly, raising his hand and saying a casual "yo".

Sakura regained her composure for a second and screeched:

"YOU'RE LATE!"

Kakashi sighed.

"What can I say?" he replied. "I got lost on the road of life." He shrugged.

Naruto sweatdropped.

"Kakashi, you were sat across the street at the café reading a newspaper," he deadpanned.

"And the path that brought me to the moment was long and inarguably confusing," Kakashi retorted.

Just as Naruto was about to question _that_ statement too, Sasuke interrupted.

"Yes, yes, you're late," he said irritably, "but you're here now. Can we just get on with this Bell Test already?"

Kakashi, much to Sasuke's annoyance, patted the Uchiha on the head.

"Patience is a virtue, young Jedi," he said sagaciously.

Sasuke glared. Naruto cocked an eyebrow at the scene, trying not to laugh.

"What I would like to know," Kakashi went on, turning to Naruto. "Is how Minion #3 over here managed to notice me."

Naruto shrugged.

"Simple," he said. For a second, all three pairs of eyes were on him. "I didn't." Sakura blinked confusedly whilst Sasuke snorted at him. Only Kakashi seemed to get what he meant. "I figured there was a large chance you were watching us to see how we interacted and whatnot, as it's hard to be three hours late without a decent reason, and thought that if I made a show of 'noticing' you, you'd come out. If you weren't there, the only people I'd embarrassed myself to were Sasuke and Sakura and if you were, I wouldn't have to wait another hour for you to show."

Kakashi sighed.

"Dammit," he said in exasperation. "Should've seen that one coming."

Naruto continued to smirk.

"Oh well," Kakashi said, instantly brightening. "It's time for the Bell Test!"

"Yay," Naruto said weakly, pretending to pump his arm in the air. "And we only had to wait three hours for it…"

Kakashi glared at Naruto for the sarcasm.

"OK," Kakashi explained, straightening up. "Located in the file room of ANBU HQ there are two files with the word 'BELL' printed on the cover of them. Your mission is to infiltrate ANBU HQ and retrieve one of the files, then escape, without getting caught."

"But, Kakashi," Sakura interrupted. "You said there were only two files."

Kakashi grinned evilly.

"Yes," Kakashi said in agreement. "And only two of you will pass this test. The other one person will fail and…" Kakashi drifted off. "I don't really want to get into the details of how Konohagakure deals with failed scouts but…" Kakashi drifted off again before mouthing the word 'nasty' to the trio. "Any other questions?"

"What if one of us gets caught?" Sasuke asked.

"Then I expect the other two to leave him/her to endure the ANBU's interrogation techniques," Kakashi replied easily. "It should serve as a good lesson to not get caught. Is that all you wanted to know?"

Naruto piped up this time, no longer smirking.

"No," he said.

Kakashi looked at him expectantly.

"Are the dango across the street any good?" Naruto asked seriously.

Not quite sure what this had to do with anything, Kakashi replied, "Sure. The coffee's also decent."

Naruto nodded for a few seconds, as if considering this.

"Thanks," he said, before whirling around and walking towards the café.

Completely thrown by Naruto's unexpected response, Kakashi stared after the blond for a while before turning back to Sasuke and Sakura.

"Well, you guys have until 3pm," Kakashi said before raising a hand. "Ja ne!"

(Back in the surveillance room)

"I already know all that stuff, Hitoki," Kakashi said with a sigh. "I was there, wasn't I?"

"Ah," Hitoki said, shaking his head. "But you weren't here for the next bit."

Hitoki tapped the screen with his finger.

Kakashi peered at the screen, and saw Naruto emerge from the café carrying a cup of coffee and a package. It clicked then. Kakashi realised just how much like a delivery boy Naruto looked. Well, the disguise was good, Kakashi had to admit, but it would only get him so far. The file room was on the second floor, but most of the offices were on the third.

Kakashi stared at the live monitors and tracked Naruto as he walked calmly up the stairs to the upper floors.

* * *

Naruto was sat in Anko's office, sipping on his still warm coffee. From what he could remember, the woman that Jiraiya had dubbed as a 'that batshit crazy bitch' worked today and would be back in her office shortly. The blond fiddled absentmindedly with an ornament on Anko's desk.

_Hmm, I wonder if Iruka-sensei's marked my test yet?_ Naruto wondered.

* * *

Iruka loved the summer holidays: long, undisturbed periods of peace in which he never had to deal with Naruto. What wasn't to love?

For Iruka, only one thing stood in the way of him and his summer holidays: exams to be graded.

_Only a few more to go, _Iruka thought happily as he neared the end of the register and placed the Uchiha's marked paper down on the pile. Sasuke had done well – extremely well – proving yet again that he did deserve the title of prodigy, only dropping a few marks on the later, harder questions.

With a sort of nervous anticipation, Iruka steeled himself for the horror that would be Naruto's paper. He took a deep breath and then opened the paper to the first page.

"What the hell..?" Iruka murmured, before flicking through to the next page, then the next page. His eyes widening in disbelief, Iruka picked up the entire booklet and flicked hurriedly through the pages. It wasn't possible!

Every page was filled with neat, uniform handwriting – an oddity when compared to Naruto's usual chicken-scratch handwriting – forming perfect answers.

Only one thought filled Iruka's mind as he grudgingly handed out a perfect score:

_How did he cheat? And why didn't I notice?_

* * *

Naruto sneezed. _Hmm, guess someone's thinking of me._

Just as Naruto was about to reach for the tissue box, the door opened.

In walked a tall women with short purple hair and a grin that caused fully grown men to tremble in their boots. She was wearing the classic uniform of a member of ANBU, with the head wraps hanging around her neck as if she had just pulled them off and a beige trench coat added to it in accessory. When she caught sight of Naruto, she stopped dead for a second.

A flash later and Anko had pulled out a switchblade and was holding it to Naruto's throat.

"Who don't we tell about the events of your sixteenth birthday?" Anko demanded, hissing in Naruto's ear.

"Tsunade," Naruto answered easily with a knowing smirk. This was typical Anko. Every time she saw Naruto, she would put a blade to his throat and ask a question only he would know the answer to. It was their equivalent of shaking hands.

It was his turn to ask a question. "What aren't you allowed to do since my sixteenth birthday?" he asked.

"Be caught near minors," Anko growled.

Naruto grinned.

"Now," he said, motioning to the switchblade. "If you would be so kind…"

Anko withdrew the switchblade from Naruto's neck and returned it to within her trench coat. Then, she turned to Naruto with a happy smile in place on her face.

"Long time no see, gaki," she said, playfully cuffing Naruto on the shoulder.

A normal person would have been put off by Anko's sudden change in demeanour, but Naruto was a) not a normal person and b) used to it.

"Yeah," Naruto agreed, thinking of the fact Anko wasn't allowed near anyone below the age of eighteen. "Court Orders can be a bitch, right?"

Anko suddenly caught sight of the package Naruto was carrying.

"Is that what I think it is?" Anko asked, practically drooling.

Naruto grinned.

"Package for Mitarashi-san," Naruto said tapping his cap and handing it over.

Anko opened the package. She looked between the contents and Naruto.

"What do you want, gaki?" she demanded, suspicious.

Naruto sighed.

"Well, you know that after you get scouted, you get assigned a mentor, right?" Naruto asked by way of an explanation. Anko nodded. "And that they can assign a test to you to see what sort of potential you have?" Another nod from Anko. "Well," Naruto took a deep breath, knowing exactly what Anko's reaction would be. "I got Kakashi."

"…"

Anko burst out laughing.

"Funny you should do that," Naruto said humourlessly. "Asuma-san did exactly the same thing…"

(The Day Before)

Shikamaru caught sight of Naruto from his table at the restaurant. The blond looked like he was about to murder someone, so Shikamaru thought it best he saved his friend from the trouble of a lawsuit and beckoned him over.

Immediately, the 'dead last' façade was back.

"Oh, hey, Shikamaru," Naruto said, rubbing the back of his head. "I didn't see you there."

At Shikamaru's gesturing, Naruto took a seat next to the lazy Nara, ignoring the third person present at the table.

"Um, Naruto, I'm here too," the third man said.

Naruto looked even more sheepish.

"Oh, hey, Asuma-san, guess I didn't notice you either," Naruto said.

Shikamaru sighed.

"Naruto, Asuma's not going to kill you," he explained tiredly. "He's my mentor, so drop the dobe act."

Naruto blinked, then rested his head on the table in frustration.

"Sorry, Shikamaru," he muttered. "I'm just tired… Our mentor got it in his head to turn up nearly three hours late and had us running drills ever since… Sasuke kicks hard…"

"Ouch, sounds troublesome," Shikamaru said sympathetically.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Asuma said, waving his hands in front of Naruto. "Back up, back up!"

Naruto and Shikamaru both stopped and whipped their heads round to look at Asuma questioningly.

"They assigned _you_ a mentor?" Asuma asked in disbelief. "You've been involved long enough to _be _a mentor."

Naruto shrugged.

"I feel if we want answers to that, we're going to have to ask your father, Asuma-san." Naruto rested his head warily on his hand. "And to add to it, guess who's my mentor?"

"Oh come on Naruto, Jiraiya-sama's not _that_ bad," Asuma began. However, he spotted the look on Naruto's face. "It's not Jiraiya-sama," he realised.

Naruto nodded.

"Nope," he said tiredly. "I got Kakashi."

"…"

Asuma burst out laughing. Shikamaru just looked confused.

Once he had calmed down, Asuma explained.

"Hatake Kakashi is famous for many things, Shikamaru," he said. "But he is most famous for his chronic tardiness and inability to be on time for anything."

"Sounds troublesome," Shikamaru said.

Naruto nodded.

"It _was_ troublesome," he agreed. "And to top it all off, he wants us up at the crack of dawn to – and I quote – 'infiltrate ANBU HQ' for something he called the 'Bell Test'."

Shikamaru patted Naruto on the shoulder while Asuma smirked.

"Ah, the infamous Bell Test," he said, almost wistfully.

Unfortunately, that was all Asuma would say on the subject and the rest of Naruto's attempts to garner information on it were shot down almost immediately, despite how curious Asuma's statement made him.

* * *

"I still *snicker* can't *full blown laughter* believe you got Kakashi!"

Naruto was getting sick of people finding humour at his expense.

"Yes, yes, yes," Naruto said irritably. "Now, it may surprise you that I didn't come all the way up here _just _so you can laugh in my face. I need a favour."

"You think you can buy favours off me with dango?" Anko demanded. This statement was made somewhat less intimidating by the fact that Anko already had a stick of dango in her mouth.

"Yes," Naruto replied in deadpan. "I really do." He paused for a second. "And if that's not enough, think of it as a way to screw over Kakashi. You're still mad that he testified against you at your trial, right?"

Anko sighed, looking between the dango and Naruto before allowing a predatory grin to settle on her face.

"Alright, gaki," she said eventually. "What do you want?"

Naruto smiled.

"Well…"

* * *

Sasuke stared out of his cell, glaring at the blank wall. He'd been so close to getting one of those goddamn files! Now, both he and the annoying stalker girl had been captured and the blond idiot was the only one with a hope of completing the task. He half expected Naruto to emerge suddenly and be thrown in the cell beside him, like Sakura had been, but there was no sign of the blond yet.

The door opened.

Sasuke sighed. Here it came…

…Wait, there was only one set of footsteps. Bam, there went his Naruto captured theory.

The footsteps came to a stop outside Sasuke's cell.

Standing before Sasuke was an ANBU member. Dressed in the navy blue uniform all that was ANBU's signature along with their lack of identity due to the almost bandage-like wraps they wore around their head, the ANBU stood emotionlessly.

"Uchiha Sasuke," came the ANBU's monotone voice.

Sasuke shot back a glare.

"Please approach the edge of the cell," the ANBU commanded. Sasuke complied, sensing conflict to not be such a good idea at this point in time.

The ANBU handcuffed Sasuke's hands, then moved to Sakura's cell.

"Haruno Sakura. Please approach the edge of the cell."

Sakura jumped a bit when her name was called, but also obeyed the ANBU's orders.

When they were both handcuffed, the ANBU opened their cell doors and took them out.

"I have been approved use of lethal force should you resist," the ANBU warned in that dull, monotonous voice of his.

"Where are you taking us?" Sakura asked, sounding desperate.

"To an outside location for interrogation," was the short reply.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes in anticipation as the ANBU led both him and Sakura from the cells.

* * *

Kakashi looked at his watch.

It was nearing 3pm. Well, time to see if, by some miracle of god, Naruto had managed to get a file, then drill the meaning of the exercise into his 'minions'.

Kakashi waved Hitoki goodbye and made his way outside of ANBU HQ. Whatever Kakashi vaguely expected to see, he couldn't help but gape at the scene before him.

His three students, who he swore would never get along due to their clashing personalities, who he was convinced nothing short of the apocalypse could make work together, were waiting for him in relative peace and quiet. Relative being the key word.

"WHY CAN'T YOU ACT YOUR AGE, FOR ONCE, NARUTO?!"

Kakashi sweatdropped as he watched the blond dodge a vicious right hook and wave, whilst bouncing on the balls of his feet, at Kakashi.

"Hey, Kakashi," Naruto called as he dodged another punch. "Does this count as assault?"

Upon seeing the fact that their mentor was standing in front of them, Sakura paused from her 'beat the crap out of Naruto and hopefully beat some sense in' attempt.

"I see you all got out of there alive and not missing any limbs," Kakashi said with a smile, covering for his complete lack of comprehension as to _how _they managed it. "But where are the files?"

Naruto, at this, pulled his arm up to his face and looked at his watch.

"Not quite yet, Kakashi; we still have around four minutes and twenty three seconds," Naruto said.

Kakashi frowned. What had his lowest ranked student managed to pull?

As if on cue, an assistant ran out of the building and stopped in front of the group. She looked terrified for living hell.

"Are y-you U-Uzu-Uzumaki Naruto?" she asked nervously.

Naruto nodded.

The woman bowed her head and thrust two files into Naruto's hands.

"Mitarashisantoldmetogivethes etoyouorshewouldkillme!" she said desperately before turning and practically sprinting back into the building.

_Bam, there goes another court order, _Naruto thought before grinning when he saw what the files were.

Whilst this was happening, Sasuke was staring impassively at the blond. Naruto was hiding something, that much was certain. What it was, Sasuke could only begin to guess. He was in no way the dumbass everyone at the Academy assumed. For starters, a dumbass wouldn't be able to successfully imitate ANBU…

(Earlier)

After they were several blocks clear of ANBU HQ, their ANBU escort led them into a deserted alleyway. This was it, Sasuke thought, time to act.

However, the ANBU threw any plans he had by pulling off his mask revealing … Naruto?!

"Man, now I know why Anko hates wearing that thing… Its stuffy as hell," the blond complained.

Sakura was the first to react.

"Naruto?! What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded.

"Saving your asses, what does it look like?" Naruto asked. "And you could at least act grateful; you have no idea what I had to go through to get you guys out." _I had to call in a favour with Ibiki and he's scary as hell..._

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked. "Kakashi told you to leave us if we were captured. You had nothing to gain."

Naruto shot Sasuke a glare.

"What kind of person would I be if I just abandoned you to Ibiki's torture? I had to endure that when I was twelve and needless to say I have never gotten caught again." Naruto seemed to shudder at the memory. "Besides, whether you guys want to admit it or not, we're a team now and _teammates_," Naruto put a great deal of stress on this word. "Look out for each other."

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked, now genuinely confused. "No one ever said anything about being a team. I thought we just had the same mentor."

"That's not how Konohagakure works, Sakura," Naruto explained. "As fun as it would be to ditch you guys, I can't. Konohagakure works on the basis that they _never_ send a shinobi in alone." _Hell, _Naruto added in his head, _even jiji-san won't send ME in alone. I always have a backup with me, even if it is just some rookie._ "And ninety per cent of the time, your team will be the group that you're mentored with. It doesn't matter if you're one of three in a team, or one of seven. Those of the Leaf _always _look out for their own."

_That was almost … profound, _thought Sasuke in shock.

(Back at the Bridge)

"Two files, only two passes," Kakashi said. "So who gets them?"

Naruto looked down at the two files.

_Well, it doesn't really matter if I pass this test. I'm too much of a valuable asset for jiji-san to side-line to paperwork duty, which is where they put failed scouts and even if he did, I'd just go to Jiraiya for work. AND on the plus side, I might eventually get away from Kakashi…_

Without hesitating, Naruto handed one file to Sakura and the other to Sasuke. The pair both gaped at him. Naruto merely shrugged.

"Well, Naruto, you disobeyed my order to leave your captured friends in custody if they got caught and furthermore, you don't have a file," Kakashi began. "And Sasuke, you foolishly went through the entire building flooded with ANBU and made a beeline for the most highly defended room. I won't even start on Sakura. Because of this, you all…"

Naruto waited patiently for the yell. _Come on, we so obviously failed this…_

"PASS!"

Naruto groaned.

"Damnit," he muttered under his breath.

_I should have kept those goddamn files._

* * *

_Hello again. Well, to my one sole reviewer, thank you. You are on my good list. All of you who didn't review… not so much._

_Anyway, I don't think I have much to say. If you're wondering what kind of future we're dealing with here, think Gundam 00 minus the robots._

_Well that's it from me,_

_Over and out,_

_FriedIce_

_PS: review or I will have to think of some sort of death threat and subsequently spend all week thinking of one and not write any updates._


	3. Busted

**Chapter Three – Busted**

_In their day and age, the Sannin were heralded as a dream team. Now, the overall consensus is that they are washed up excuses for ninja. Jiraiya writes porn, Tsunade is addicted to gambling and, as for Orochimaru, it's best not to go there... But, Jiraiya explained to me once, these are all carefully constructed images circulated by the Sannin themselves to give others false expectations of them. Well, all the Sannin except Orochimaru. No one's ever been really all that sure about him...  
_

Hatake Kakashi stared the Hokage down, determined to get his answers.

"Kakashi, what can I do for you?" Sarutobi asked, not looking up from his paperwork.

"I need Naruto's address," Kakashi stated bluntly. "He has, quite literally, attended none of the team meetings for missions and training since his inauguration into Team Seven three weeks ago."

If Kakashi didn't know better, he would have thought there was a slight smirk in the Hokage's voice as he replied.

"Is that so?"

Kakashi nodded in affirmative.

"His absence has completely destroyed the team dynamic and, if I may say so, is not only irresponsible, but disrespectful."

Sarutobi put his pen down and looked up at Kakashi, who was standing in front of his desk.

"And, why could you not request information such as his address from the Konohagakure Intelligence Division?" he asked.

"I tried, Hokage-sama, but I was informed that his file needed S-class clearance to access, something which I lack."

In all honesty, Kakashi had not been particularly surprised when he found out that Naruto's file had such a heavy clearance stamped on it. Given both his heritage, and what high class secrets he had in his head, it was a necessary precaution. However, it meant that Kakashi had to have the Hokage's signature just to access something as simple as an address.

Sarutobi heaved a sigh. He swore he had only stuck A-rank clearance on Naruto's file. The elderly Hokage shook his head; Naruto would be the death of him one day.

"Here, let me write a clearance slip down for you," he offered Kakashi.

Kakashi eye-smiled.

* * *

"Guess what."

Naruto was sat in front of his computer screen, his fingers playing idly with the kunai he normally kept strapped to his ankle.

The blond let out a long-suffering sigh.

"Do we really have to do this, Ero-sennin?" he asked, sounding exasperated.

The white-haired pervert pictured on the screen merely grinned.

"Yes," he replied.

Naruto stared him down for a while, hoping he was joking. The grin didn't let up.

"Fine," he said with another sigh. Naruto paused, trying to think what could have Jiraiya quite so psyched as to initiate a 'guess what' game with him. "You slept with Tsunade last night?" he tried.

A dreamy look passed briefly across Jiraiya's face.

"I wish," he replied.

Naruto paused again.

"Kakashi's getting counselling for his chronic lateness?" he guessed.

Jiraiya barked out a laugh.

"You wish," he stated with mirth.

Naruto merely glared. He still hadn't forgiven Jiraiya for not warning him Kakashi was his mentor.

"Fire country's being renamed to 'Quite-Hot-But-Not-Quite-On-Fire Country'?" he eventually tried.

"Nope."

Naruto sighed yet again. This could go on for hours. With flick of his wrist, he sent his kunai spiralling into one of the dented walls in his apartment. As he went to collect it, his eyes caught on a sheet of paper. Picking it up, he turned back to his computer.

"The new Mizukage's actually a bisexual?" he tried as he sat down.

Jiraiya's face perked up.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah, it was in today's intelligence report," Naruto said, waving the sheet of paper in front of him.

"Hmm, hot but no."

* * *

Kakashi walked calmly through the records department for Konohagakure, smiling at the security detail. The ANBU didn't smile back.

Access to Naruto's file had been easy enough to get with the Hokage's blessing – as was pretty much anything else – but there was one thing Kakashi had not been expecting: it was damned near impossible to locate the file.

It was as if someone had broken in, and rearranged all of the files as to purposefully hide Naruto's. After nearly an hour of searching, the team of helpers who had been assigned to him had given up, printed off a new copy and sent it down to their boss for redacting before it was released back into the archives.

Not only did Kakashi consider that hour to be a colossal waste of time, but the fun of watching all of the workers scramble about had worn off after ten minutes.

It was with a strained smile that Kakashi accepted his student's file and sat down to read it. Kakashi flipped open the first page.

_**PERSONAL INFORMATION**_

_NAME: [REDACTED] NARUTO_

_CODENAME: [REDACTED]_

_RANK: [REDACTED]_

_DATE OF INITIATION: [REDACTED]_

_MISSION SUCCESS RATE: [REDACTED]_

_AGE: [REDACTED]_

_D.O.B.: [REDACTED]_

_BIRTH PLACE: [REDACTED]_

_PARENTS: [REDACTED]_

Kakashi skimmed over the black marks, not really taking into account their frequency. Flicking through the pages, Kakashi eventually found what he was looking for.

_**CONTACT INFORMATION**_

_VIDEO CALL DIAL-IN: [REDACTED]_

_ADDRESS: [REDACTED]_

Kakashi's eyes bulged, it finally hitting him. Almost all of Naruto's file was redacted. The high clearance necessary to access it, Kakashi could understand. Naruto's heritage for one, and the secrets stored in his head for two, only further convinced Kakashi of this justification, but the redactions for someone of his high clearance – A-rank – were pushing the realms of credibility.

Frustrated, Kakashi slammed the file shut and left, deciding to pursue other avenues of research.

* * *

"You slept with Shizune last night?"

"No."

"You slept with Anko last night?"

"No."

"You slept with Old Lady Chiyo in Suna last night?"

Jiraiya actually looked repulsed.

"Eww … No."

Naruto smirked, somehow happy to have invoked a visceral reaction within his godfather.

"You slept with an unnamed prostitute in Otaku Gai last night?" he guessed, though it was more of a statement than a question

"Well yes," Jiraiya conceded. "But that's not the point."

Naruto waved his hand in a blasé motion in front of the screen.

"Whatever you say Ero-sennin."

* * *

Kakashi walked briskly out of the doors of Konohagakure's records building, his frustration momentarily clouding his vision. That was when he barrelled straight into a person set on entering the building.

Both of them were thrown to the ground, the victim of Kakashi's frustration dropping the box of computer equipment he had been carrying in the confusion.

"Watch where you're going!" the man who Kakashi had ran into called up from the ground.

Kakashi raised his eyebrows. He recognised that voice…

"Iruka?" he asked.

The Academy scout looked up for a second, recognition flashing in his eyes.

"Kakashi?" he said. "I haven't seen you in ages."

Kakashi offered a hand to Iruka, pulling him up off the ground and helping him pick up the scattered computer equipment.

"Don't say that like it's _my_ fault, Iruka," Kakashi replied, "you're the one who transferred out of our unit." Kakashi's eyes fell on the scar across Iruka's face. "I see it healed up well."

Iruka nodded absent-mindedly, before looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"Yeah," he said, "I guess."

Kakashi handed the scar-faced man his box of computer parts.

"What brings you to these parts, then, Iruka?" Kakashi asked, changing the subject for both of their benefit.

"Work, you know," Iruka replied, accepting the box with a smile. "The Academy's out, so they don't need a scout there for the summer. I just had to wrap up my teacher duties, and now I'm back here, working shifts at the records building."

"Sounds like fun," Kakashi commented dryly.

"Naturally," Iruka replied, unabashed. "And you, Kakashi? I never thought of you as the paperwork type…"

"Checking up on one of my students, actually," Kakashi replied easily. "Say…" Kakashi frowned. The psyche profiles suggested that Iruka had some sort of bond with Naruto. "Do you know where Naruto lives?"

"Uzumaki Naruto?" Iruka asked, his eyebrows shooting into his hairline. "_You're _his mentor?"

"Why do you sound so surprised?" Kakashi asked. "The people down at ANBU HQ seemed to think it the funniest thing in the world I was stuck with him."

"No, just never thought they'd assign him you," Iruka replied. "He always had other contacts…" he added vaguely, then shook his head. "You want his address?" Kakashi nodded. "Give me a bit of paper, I'll write it down for you."

Kakashi smiled before fishing out a notepad and pen.

* * *

"The ANBU have gone on strike because the uniform offends their fashion sense?" Naruto tried.

"No."

Naruto frowned. He was running out of ideas…

"There's a secret group within ANBU run by Danzo?" he said, deciding that now was the time to start guessing anything and everything.

"Yes, actually," Jiraiya replied, his tone one of surprise. "But that's an S-class secret…"

"Really?" Naruto raised his eyebrows and then, seeing Jiraiya's nod, shrugged. "Well you learn something new every day."

* * *

Kakashi looked at the dilapidated old building in front of him, before double-checking his address. This couldn't be right, could it? How could the Hokage possibly allow Naruto to live in conditions such as this?

Kakashi steeled himself before going to knock on the front door.

An old, wrinkled lady opened it, scowling at Kakashi.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"Excuse me, but does Uzumaki Naruto live here?" he asked, trying his best to sound polite.

"No," the woman said shortly, before moving to slam the door.

Kakashi stuck his foot in the frame, smiling charmingly as he did.

"Since when?" he asked.

The woman glared at him.

"Five years ago," she answered curtly. "Now leave."

Kakashi removed his foot in shock. The woman slammed the door shut in his face.

Damn. There went that. Now, what else could he do? Well, Naruto had to pay his taxes from somewhere, right?

* * *

Naruto looked down at the sheet of paper in front of him before reading off it.

"The Centuri have finalised the date for their invasion of the Pellian home-world?" he said.

"I really need to read today's intelligence report don't I?" Jiraiya asked with a sigh.

Naruto looked straight at him.

"Yes," he deadpanned.

* * *

After calling up his contacts in the Daimyo's Tax Office, Kakashi had garnered that Naruto paid his taxes from an entirely different building than the one Iruka believed to be his place of residence. This building just happened to be on the other side of town to the first and, luckily, in a much better state of affairs.

The walls were white-washed and spotless, seeming to glint in the sun. Kakashi smiled, certain that he had found his student's home and walked up the footpath. When he reached the doorstep, Kakashi searched for a doorbell and, upon finding none, proceeded to rap his knuckles on the door.

He waited.

Nothing.

He knocked again.

He waited.

Nothing.

Looking around to ensure no one was present, Kakashi pressed his ear against the door. Through the door, Kakashi could hear the whirring of an air-con unit and a beeping, but other than that, silence.

"What are you doing?"

Kakashi jumped, startled and spun around to face a teenage girl, who was holding what appeared to be a crate of … weapons. She had a pretty face and brown hair that was pulled up into two buns on either side of her head, giving her the appearance of a rather cute panda.

The girl was standing outside the door opposite, a pair of keys in her hand.

"Does Uzumaki Naruto live here?" Kakashi asked.

The teenage girl tilted her head to the side.

"Does he work for Toad Sage Publishing?" she asked.

Kakashi shrugged. What the hell.

"Yes," he answered.

"Then you're better off trying one of the main offices," the teenager said, unlocking her front door. "This is just one of the houses they use to store books before they hit distribution."

With that, the girl pushed open the door to her house and slammed it shut behind her.

Kakashi sighed. Yet another dead end.

Suddenly, the door burst open again.

"Wait," the girl said, "did you say Uzumaki_ Naruto_?" she asked.

Kakashi nodded.

"Describe him," she commanded.

"Blond hair, blue eyes," Kakashi rattled off, "about this," he held his hand up, "tall. Likes to read."

The girl nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah, I remember him," she said. "Not from here, though. He comes into my father's shop from time to time. Said something about getting the best deals there."

Kakashi leapt onto the prospect of a lead.

"Really?" Kakashi asked. "Is there any way you know of to contact him?"

The girl shook her head.

"Nah, he always pays in cash," she said. "Though he _is _always hanging around that pineapple-head guy…"

"Pineapple?" Kakashi choked out.

The girl nodded.

"Yeah," she said. "I only remembered it because his hair was so damned weird. Naruto called him something like 'Shika'."

Kakashi smiled warmly.

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

Well, there was one 'Shika' every single member of Konohagakure knew about: the Shika of the infamous Ino-Shika-Chou.

* * *

There were very few things which could get Jiraiya psyched enough to play the hour long 'guess what' game, Naruto knew that. Which meant that whatever it was, was something Naruto would be pretty happy to hear too.

"Konohagakure's annual cross-dresser's ball – for which attendance in mandatory – has been cancelled?" he asked hopefully.

"Nope," Jiraiya said, shaking his head in dismay.

"Damn," Naruto muttered.

"Yeah, I agree."

"You're taking me out for fieldwork that day, right?" Naruto asked.

"No."

"I hate you."

* * *

Kakashi spent the vast majority of the next hour looking for Asuma and his mentor group. A brief check up at the Hokage's office had revealed that Asuma was planning on doing target selection exercises with his team that day, which meant that they could quite literally be _anywhere._

Kakashi eventually pinned them down at a coffee shop, surveying the crowd. As he approached, Kakashi began to hear their conversation.

"2 o'clock, street cleaner. He's got a nervous tick that makes him touch his earpiece when worried."

"Hmm… 9 o'clock, store clerk. She's holding her mobile at the wrong angle to be texting… She's taking photos instead."

"Did I mention this was troublesome?"

Kakashi drew closer, recognising the classic Nara 'troublesome' tick with ease.

"Yes, Shikamaru. Seven times. Just take your go already," Asuma replied, sounding frustrated.

"Fine." A sigh. "Twelve o'clock. Hatake Kakashi. Anyone who needs me to tell them _why _he's an operative needs to see a doctor."

Kakashi stopped in front of the table. Four pairs of eyes met his.

"So, Kakashi," Asuma said, downing a cup of coffee. "What brings you here?"

"I need to speak to Shikamaru," Kakashi replied, pulling up an empty seat.

Asuma studied Kakashi's face for a second before turning to two of his students, one blonde – obviously a Yamanaka – and the other somewhat podgy – obviously an Akimichi.

"You two, scram," he commanded.

The blonde girl looked as if she were going to argue, but bit it down. She and the Akimichi promptly left.

Asuma turned to Kakashi.

"What did you want off my student?"

* * *

"Orochimaru's not actually a paedophile?"

"If he isn't he does a damn good job acting like one."

"You're turning down the perversion down in your next novel?"

"If anything the opposite…"

Naruto ignored the lecherous grin that spread across Jiraiya's face, threatening of an hour's worth of Icha Icha plot points.

"Tsunade's gonna come back to Konoha to take the hat off jiji?" Naruto guessed quickly, not thinking about what he said, if only to avoid the discussion of Icha Icha with his godfather.

Jiraiya and Naruto both looked dumbly at each other, before they burst out laughing.

"Yeah," Naruto said in-between laughs. "Like that'll ever happen."

* * *

"So you have wasted nearly an entire day looking for Naruto?" Shikamaru summarised, looking amusedly at Kakashi.

Kakashi sighed. When he put it like that…

"Pretty much," Kakashi conceded.

"Ever think to just ask?" Shikamaru said, raising his eyebrows.

"Er… no?"

Shikamaru snorted at the renowned jounin.

"Idiot," he muttered.

"So, do you know of how to contact Naruto?" Kakashi asked, cutting to the chase.

Shikamaru shook his head.

Kakashi's eyes bugged. "Why am I even here, then?"

As Shikamaru opened his mouth to make the obvious reply, Kakashi sighed. "Don't even think about starting a philosophical debate. This is important. Naruto's my student."

Shikamaru seemed to pause for a second.

"Naruto _did _give me a number to call if I was in trouble and couldn't get ahold of him," he said eventually. "I can write it down for you if you want."

Kakashi placed his forehead in his hand before nodding. It was better than nothing.

* * *

Naruto looked down at the piece of paper as if reading from it.

"The Tsuchikage is actually a girl and has been hiding her identity to avoid persecution for a crime she didn't commit?"

"Now you're just fucking with me Naruto."

Naruto didn't even try to deny it.

"The Raikage and my father were secretly lovers but hid this in animosity to prevent rumours from spreading?"

"Dear Kami, what gave you that impression?" Jiraiya asked, sounding horrified by the prospect.

Naruto breathed a sigh of relief.

"_Thank_ Kami; it was just Shika messing with me," he said. "Um…Tsunade won the lottery?"

"Unless the Fire Daimyo has finally got enough blackmail material on her to get his debt back, I doubt it."

* * *

Kakashi stared down at the napkin, debating whether to call the number. As a trained jounin, Kakashi hadn't missed the small anticipating smile in Shikamaru's voice as he offered Kakashi the number, but Kakashi really didn't have much of a choice at this point in time.

With another deep sigh, Kakashi pulled out a disposable cell phone and plugged the number in.

* * *

"Those three kids you trained during the Third Secret War have started an organisation dedicated to capturing the bijuu for use as a metaphorical 'big stick' to ensure peace?"

"I highly doubt it," Jiraiya said. "They've been declared dead. Besides it's been a good 15 years. They're not kids anymore."

A small smirk appeared on the sides of Naruto's mouth.

"Intelligence report," he said shortly.

"Kami-_fucking_-damnit!"

* * *

The call was dialling. It was now or never. Kakashi could theoretically end the call now, with no one the wiser. Oh, screw it. What type of unsavoury contacts could a _genin _of all people possibly have?

The call picked up.

"Who is it?"

Kakashi almost dropped the phone in surprise. That voice sounded actually kind of … polite. In fact, he was so surprised, he forgot to reply.

"Who the hell are you?!" the person on the other end demanded. "Genma, I swear to _kami_ if you do _not_ stop handing out my number at random bars I will _rip_ out your _intestines_ and use them to _hang_ you."

Kakashi blinked, recognising the voice immediately. It was … Mitarashi Anko.

"Ah, no," Kakashi spoke into the phone, quickly formulating a cover story. "I'm calling about Uzumaki Naru—"

"What the hell has the gaki done now?"

Anko actually sounded … long-suffering. _That _was disturbing.

"No, I'm, uh, just trying to find—"

"Wait a second," Anko said, interrupting Kakashi, her voice beginning to grow in volume. "Hatake is that you?"

Without thinking, Kakashi answered.

"Well, yes, but—"

"You BASTARD!" Anko screamed.

* * *

"Anko's court order has been revoked?"

"That's part of it actually, but I don't think the old man has considered the consequences…"

"That sounds ominous," Naruto commented.

"Think about how Kakashi feels. Part of the reason he took a mentor group was so that he'd be around minors and Anko couldn't get to him…"

Naruto winced in sympathy, glad that he had managed to get the crazy lady on his side through successive gifts of Dango.

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

* * *

"You BASTARD! Do you have _any _idea how _FUCKING DIFFICULT_ it was to get that BLOODY court order revoked?!"

Kakashi held the phone away from his ear as the tirade continued.

"I COULDN'T GO TO MY _FAVOURITE_ DANGO PLACE FOR _THREE_ _WEEKS_ – THREE WEEKS! – BECAUSE THE CLERK WASN'T YET EIGHTEEN! I HAD TO _PAY_ – YES _PAY_, HATAKE – MY _SUBORIDNATES_ TO FETCH IT FOR ME!"

* * *

"Pi isn't actually irrational, they've been lying to us all along?"

"No."

"Scientists in Old-Earth have finally found a way to manipulate the graviton?"

"No."

"The core suns have all gone supernova and there is a supercharged wave of radiation heading towards us which will wipe out all life in the galaxy?"

Jiraiya looked at Naruto incredulously.

"If you're not going to be serious, I'll just log off Naruto."

"Fine."

* * *

"DEAR KAMI, HATAKE, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK SO DIFFERENT NOT EVEN A HYUUGA COULD TELL IT WAS YOU!"

In the background, Kakashi could just hear someone shouting:

"Mitarashi! What have I told you about using your phone during interrogations!"

Kakashi had never been so relieved as when the line went dead.

* * *

"Jiji-san's giving me a raise?"

Naruto actually sounded hopeful.

"No."

"Jiji-san's giving you a raise?"

"No," Jiraiya said, sounding smug, "he can't afford it."

Naruto raised his eyebrows.

"You make extortionate amounts of money whilst doing relatively little?" he guessed, though he was pretty much sure it was true.

"Pretty much," Jiraiya said with a nod.

"Remind me: why do you make me pay whenever we go out for dinner?"

"It's character building."

"Again, I hate you."

* * *

Kakashi sighed as he ditched his disposable cell phone, making sure to place it in a bin as far away from where he lived as possible.

Naruto's apparent contact with Mitarashi _did _explain a lot, though. Particularly how he was able to get the BELL files.

Kakashi sighed for the nth time that day, resolving just to wander around for the rest of the day and try not to let it bother him that he had been outsmarted by a genin.

* * *

The game had literally gone on for hours. Naruto sighed, grasping at the edge of his mind for something to say.

"You've found a way for me to get Namikaze Industries back from jiji?" he asked tiredly.

Jiraiya grinned.

"Yes."

Naruto gaped at Jiraiya, his features morphing into a mix of awe and shock.

"You've—" he began, but cut himself off. "Wait, seriously?"

"Yep."

Jiraiya sounded so goddamn smug that in any other circumstance Naruto would have been irritated.

"How?"

"Let me tell you a little story…"

* * *

Kakashi sipped happily on his coffee, mulling over the problem in his head. He'd tried _everything _to get Naruto to attend his team meetings, even threats of kicking him off, but nothing had worked.

Kakashi had never expected his sensei's son to be such a handful.

There was really only one choice left. Naruto's refusal to attend team meetings seemed to be based entirely in his dislike for D-ranks. So, Kakashi had requested a higher-level mission. His team could handle it, he thought, and Sasuke in particular deserved the challenge.

The fact that Naruto might finally start turning up was an added bonus.

* * *

"You realise if you'd just come out and told me that first we wouldn't have wasted half the day on that game," Naruto said once Jiraiya had finished telling him.

"Bah," Jiraiya said, waving his arms dismissively. "I needed to check no-one was listening in."

"That excuse wore thin after the first hour, Jiraiya," Naruto said, shaking his head. "Besides, do you have any idea how encrypted this line is? It makes the stuff the Pellion's use look like a joke."

"Meh," Jiraiya said, "it was fun. Anyway, see ya, kid. I'm gonna go read that intelligence report."

Jiraiya's screen blanked out.

Naruto leant back in his chair, thinking over the conversation. It may have taken half the day, but he had learnt some other things too…

So, Danzo had his own secret branch of ANBU, eh? He'd have to bear that in mind next time he broke in.

Which reminded him: he really needed to get back at Shika for persuading him his father was having an affair with the Raikage.

* * *

Kakashi threw his coffee-cup into the bin with practised ease and gathered up his things. It was time to head home and sleep off all the stress of the day.

It was as he left that he spotted a familiar blond head of hair weaving its way through the crowds. Unbe-fucking-lievable.

Kakashi immediately sprung up and dashed out of the coffee shop's doorway, knocking over several customers in his hurry. Blurting out apologies without thinking about it, Kakashi didn't slow down until he had caught up with his blond student and had a hand on his shoulder.

* * *

Naruto's first instinct upon feeling a hand on his shoulder was to go with Anko's old favourite self-defence mechanism of 'kill the bastard', but he beat it down, lest he should seem like a psychopath, and instead twisted into a simple one-armed shoulder throw.

Of course, Naruto wasn't expecting to find his weight shift countered with one of his attacker's own.

Immediately, Naruto dropped his grips as if they had burned him and move to put distance between him and his opponent. That was when he saw who it was.

"Kakashi?" Naruto asked, sounding exasperated.

"Well, if it isn't my cute little student, Naruto-kun?" Kakashi said, sounding pleasantly surprised. His eyes, however, looked murderous.

"Unless some other poor bastard was named after a ramen topping," Naruto replied dryly, turning to the side and moving away from Kakashi as he did so. "Yeah, it's safe to assume that you're correct."

Naruto had no idea – well, that was a lie, he was pretty damned sure what he had done – why there was a jounin out to get him, but he couldn't stop Ero-sennin's lessons from playing in his head as the adrenaline started to kick in.

"_Right, listen up, gaki. When faced with an opponent who has yet to attack you, there are two things you can do to make the odds more in your favour. The first is to turn to the side; it makes you a smaller target to hit. The second is to control the distance. Calmly take footsteps away or towards him. Use your hands to make sure you don't seem like a threat."_

"And do you fancy telling me, Naruto-kun, why you haven't turned up to any of my meetings at all?"

Naruto sighed, dropping his hands and turning head-on to his teacher again.

"I did turn up," he said. "Every single day. You just were never there."

Naruto could see Kakashi growing frustrated. He smirked inwardly.

"Never mind," the silver-haired jounin eventually said. "The point of the matter is that you need to be there tomorrow. We have a team C-rank."

_That _was interesting news.

"Really?" Naruto asked. "What are we doing?"

"A bit of corporate espionage," Kakashi answered shortly. "It involves Gatou Corp."

Naruto blinked, processing this information. Then, he looked at Kakashi with something akin to adoration.

"Kakashi," he said, "don't take this the wrong way, but I think I might love you."

To say that Kakashi was rather disturbed would be an understatement.

* * *

_Chapter Complete! Finally! It sure took us ages, and for that there is no excuse. Sorry guys. I can't believe it actually. We went from one review to 13 in one chapter. You guys rule!_

_Be sure to review._

_Argh, I've gotta get back to my update for Of Prophecies and Ramen now._

_-FriedIce_

_PS: I've told you once, I've told you twice, I'll tell you again: REVIEW!_


	4. Radiohead

**Chapter Four – Radiohead**

_The First C-rank Curse: something Jiraiya told me he intended to avoid completely with me. Apparently, he has some form of repressed trauma from his genin days involving a cross-dresser, gambling and the Second Mizukage. Because of this, I have never once been on a C-rank mission. Of course, this means I'm still eligible for the curse, but, come on, it's a C-rank. What could possibly go wrong?_

Tazuna was sweating buckets by the time the Hokage called him in to meet his assigned team. He had just lied to the officials of the most influential organisation in the entirety of Hi no Kuni and … appeared to be getting away from it.

His hands were trembling as he reached for his hip-flask and took a swig from it, trying to drown his nerves in the strong liquor. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Tazuna leant backwards onto the wall. If this blew up in his face … the entirety of Nami would be screwed.

Nami no Kuni, which the residents usually referred to as either Wave or Nami, was currently suffering from a devastating combination of famine, drought and prolonged poverty. There was very little land that could be cultivated in Nami and the water from the surrounding sea had a tendency to kill off whatever crops they wanted to grow if used for irrigation.

The sea had been previously abundant in fish, but over-fishing by past generations had devastated the fishing community.

Tazuna had created a solution to this problem but… Well, he wouldn't be here if everything had gone well.

"Tazuna-san," a secretary called from behind a desk.

Tazuna looked up, stashing his hip-flask inside his baggy coat.

"The Hokage will see you now."

Tazuna took a deep breath and exhaled. He could do this. He had to do this. For Nami.

Tazuna pushed open the door to the Hokage's office to be met with a sight that pushed his anxiety to whole new levels. These people were the ones who would save Wave?

First, sat on the edge of the Hokage's desk, reading the extremely popular Icha Icha Paradise series, was a man with silver hair that seemed to defy gravity. He had a stylish navy eye-patch pulled over one eye and was wearing – was that a snood? – something around his neck. He was dressed casually in a shirt and a pair of jeans.

There was a young man who was quite obviously enveloped in a world of teenage angst that Tazuna had no doubt he never wanted to hear about, much less _understand_. He had black hair that was styled in a way reminiscent of a duck-butt. Tazuna blinked at his observation. He must be more drunk than he thought.

Standing next to the epitome of teenage angst was a girl who was, quite literally clinging to the black-haired teen's arm. She had pink hair so bright it made Tazuna feel dizzy just looking at it, though that may be because of the alcohol, and dazzling green eyes. She would have been quite attractive, Tazuna realised, was she not so enthralled with the other boy.

The third teenager was sat in one of the leather chairs, reading manga, one hand holding the book open, the other resting on the back of his head. He had bright blond hair and blue eyes that were squinting in concentration. Obviously, Tazuna remarked, he was finding the manga quite difficult to read.

All in all, Tazuna realised, a bunch of idiots. A pervert, an emo, a fan-girl and an idiot. These were the people who were supposed to save Wave. They weren't exactly awe-inspiring.

The next things the Hokage said did nothing to reassure Tazuna.

"Ah, Tazuna," the elderly man said, "please meet the team who will be dealing with your request. These are some of our top rookies."

Rookies. Rookies. Rookies. The Hokage was giving him _ROOKIES?!_

They'd be dead before they could even step past the threshold and enter Gatou Corp HQ. Suddenly, Tazuna's conscience kicked in. He was going to be the reason that three teenagers, who hadn't even reached their full potential, were going to die.

The drunk took a long, deep breath. He had to do this. For Wave.

"They don't look like much," Tazuna remarked. "Especially the blond over there with the stupid look on his face."

The blond didn't even put down his book.

"Naruto," he said.

"What?" Tazuna asked stupidly. Had the idiot thought that was a local greeting or introduction or something?

"Uzumaki Naruto," the boy repeated, turning one of his pages as he did so. "If you're going to insult me, please refer to me by my name."

Suddenly, Tazuna felt both his blood freeze and his body relax. On the one hand, he'd just insulted one of the few surviving Uzumakis… Which was as good as a death sentence in the eyes of many. On the other, he had an Uzumaki on the team to save Wave… Everything would be OK now, right?

"That's not all," Tazuna went on, not realising he was slurring his words. "The rest of you lot don't look like much, either."

Tazuna could have sworn he saw the pink-haired girl's eyebrow twitch.

"Maa, maa," the silver-haired male interrupted. "Let's not fight. How about some introductions, ne? As you already know, the blond reading manga is Uzumaki Naruto and these two here are Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke. My name is Hatake Kakashi."

Suddenly, Tazuna felt his anxiety return in new heights. _Uchiha Sasuke… _Anybody with ears knew of that name and the circumstances surrounding it. The kid had made the news back when he was ten … after he was found unconscious surrounded by the dead bodies of his entire clan. Tazuna suddenly felt a little bit mean for calling him an emo. Only a little, but that was mostly because he didn't really do guilt when he was inebriated.

Then, there was the other name that made him anxious: _Hatake Kakashi. _The man was a legend in his own right, even in the eyes of the public. He was heralded as a prodigy right from a young age. Tazuna could still remember reading articles about the kid's genius from when he was twenty.

He had no idea who the Harunos were, but the name tickled at the back of his mind. Something about fish?

Nevermind. The reason Tazuna was so worried as of now was simple: such a strong team would no doubt be capable of saving Wave, but would also no doubt be capable of seeing straight through his ruse.

Tazuna found himself desperate to take another swig of liquor, but stopped himself. If need be, he always had his secret weapon. His eyes drifted to the pocket of his coat where he kept the photo of his daughter and grandson. Yes, if this failed, it was shameless sob-story time.

* * *

"Naruto, please wait behind," Sarutobi called as Team 7 made to leave his office.

Sasuke and Sakura both shot Naruto pointed looks, but made their way out of the door, leaving their blond teammate alone in the Hokage's office. Naruto drew a long, exasperated sigh and sunk back into one of the leather chairs.

"What is it, jiji?" Naruto asked.

The elderly Hokage shifted his weight in his chair, before reaching into his desk draw and retrieving a USB stick. He threw the item to Naruto.

"That," he said slowly, "is everything we have on Gatou Corp."

"Huh?" Naruto said intelligently, staring at the USB stick.

"There is a reason I assigned this mission to Team 7 and not some other rookie genin team, Naruto. Gatou Corp, we are almost certain," Sarutobi went on, "is a front for something. I want you to find out what."

Naruto blinked at the Hokage, before regaining his composure.

"What makes you say that?" he asked eventually.

Sarutobi Hiruzen sighed.

"The numbers don't add up," he admitted. "Someone's done a good job of covering their tracks, but not quite good enough. This is going to be extremely dangerous, Naruto, I hope you understand that. Gatou Corp will probably see through whatever your cover IDs are in no less than a second and will only let you guys infiltrate to avoid arousing suspicion as to how they did that. Someone, somewhere, at the top of that organisation, has big plans. Find out what they are."

Naruto nodded, taking this all in. He looked down at the USB stick, before pocketing it.

"Thanks, jiji," he said.

With that, the blond turned to leave.

"Oh, and, Naruto," Sarutobi called after him. Naruto turned back around, quirking an eyebrow in askance. "Take care."

Naruto nodded once before turning and walking out of the office.

* * *

"Hey kid," Jiraiya said when he picked up the phone. "What's up?"

"Jiji's actually got a clue, for once," Naruto replied.

For once, he and Jiraiya weren't communicating through video calls, instead talking over the phone whilst Naruto cooked himself dinner – ramen.

"Oh?" Jiraiya asked. "How so?"

"Well, he knows that Gatou Corp is a front, just not what for," Naruto answered. "That and he's asked me to investigate it."

"Aha," Jiraiya said. "And you want me to figure out how much you should tell him."

"Pretty much," Naruto said. "I mean, Gatou Corp is a front for NNI; it's not like I can just go and shout that information from the rooftops."

"I see your problem," Jiraiya replied. "You're going to need to be exceptionally careful in this job, Naruto."

"Don't I know it," the blond said, stirring the mixture that was sitting on his stove. "I'm going to be juggling three covert assignments, as well as dealing with a lying client, who, by the way, looked as if he were going to shit himself when he heard my name. Obviously he hasn't been in Konoha long enough to subscribe to the 'he can't be a real Uzumaki' belief."

"Sometimes, kid," Jiraiya commented, "I'm still impressed by the cover identity you managed to set up for yourself, even if Mizuki saw right through it."

"He didn't have to," Naruto countered. "He was the one who marked my entrance exam to the Academy, which, by the way, it was imperative I aced according to jiji, and then it was only a matter of putting two and two together."

The Academy was the top school in Hi no Kuni and the place from which the majority of scouts for Konohagakure were sourced. Tests for entrance were sat at the age of eleven and entry was granted dependent on the ranks one achieved in the test. As the majority of scouts were sourced from the Academy, test rankings for the entrance exam were considered confidential. Generally, two members of Konohagakure's chuunin ranks were placed in the Academy to seek out those with the potential to become shinobi, but Iruka was a special case.

After a whole-year test when Naruto was twelve, in which Naruto's place was decidedly middling, Iruka's partner had approached Naruto.

The events which had followed had changed Naruto's life.

He could still remember the terror that consumed him when Mizuki had said those words…

* * *

"_Uzumaki-kun, I know what you are."_

_A goofy grin adorned Naruto's face as he suppressed the panic that threatened to bubble up inside him._

"_What are you talking about, Mizuki-sensei?" he asked, sticking firmly to his act._

_If one had asked Naruto's teachers, they would have told you that he was a slow kid, but eventually got the concept after a bit of effort. Nothing extraordinary. Mizuki knew better._

"_If you don't want me to shout from the rooftops that the last Uzumaki is a pathetically weak school kid, I advise you drop the idiot act, Uzumaki-kun," Mizuki said smoothly._

_Naruto's eyes narrowed._

"_No one would believe you, sensei," he informed the silver-haired chuunin._

"_Perhaps not in Hi no Kuni," Mizuki conceded, "but I am sure I could raise a few eyebrows in Tsuchi no Kuni, or even Kaminari no Kuni…" Mizuki let his sentence drift off for effect._

_Naruto was barely suppressing his urge to shake in terror as his mind battled over what to do: fight or flight? One of his trembling hands was reaching for the kunai he kept strapped to his ankle – it had been a gift from his godfather – but Mizuki stopped him._

"_I wouldn't even think about trying to kill me, Uzumaki-kun," he informed the blond. "I doubt that you could manage it; after all, I am a chuunin level shinobi."_

_Naruto froze. He was screwed. Royally screwed._

"_What do you want me to do?" he asked._

_Mizuki smiled._

"_It's quite simple really. There's a file I want you to steal…"_

* * *

"You should be grateful, kid," Jiraiya said. "Before that incident, your life must have been pretty boring without me."

Naruto felt like he should be giving Jiraiya a pointed look… Damn! He knew there was a reason he preferred video chats.

"Ero-sennin," he said calmly, "you only got involved in my life because Tsunade told you she would castrate you if you left your godson to get into another such mess again."

"True," Jiraiya said. "But when you think about all the fun we've had together—" Jiraiya began.

Naruto cut him off.

"My sixteenth birthday wasn't fun," he pointed out.

"For you, maybe," Jiraiya said.

"Ero-sennin, you barely remember anything you did that night, you were so smashed!"

"Nothing _bad_ happened…"

"Ero-sennin, that night is the reason fifteen new laws were passed in Hi no Kuni!" Naruto cried into the phone, so infuriated he threw his wooden spoon into the ramen he was cooking, causing himself to be splashed with boiling hot mixture.

"So I helped the authorities tighten up regulations, nothing bad at all about that, is there, Naruto?" Jiraiya countered.

"You bloody sold me into the white slave trade!" Naruto hissed. "Tell me, how was that beneficial to me?"

At that point in time, Naruto's ramen began to boil over.

"Ah, shit," Naruto said. "I've got to go." Trying to juggle the phone and saving his ramen wasn't working. "But, ero-sennin, this discussion is not over!"

With that, the young blond hung up the phone and threw it across the kitchen as he rushed to save his dinner.

* * *

"Right team," Kakashi said to his little band of cute genin. "This is our first C-rank together—"

"It's our first _mission _together," Sakura pointed out, seemingly annoyed. "If you recall, Naruto-baka hasn't even bothered to show up until now."

The four of them were sat in one of Konohagakure's whitewashed briefing rooms. Kakashi had brought Team 7 here to inform them of the usual procedings during missions.

In response to Sakura's comment, Naruto held up his hands defensively.

"Hey, don't be like that," he said. "I mean, if you _knew _what those D-ranks were going to be like, would you put yourself through that? I mean, they're just glorified filing."

Sakura clouted Naruto round the back of his head.

"How would you know, baka?" she demanded. "It's not like you were there."

As if to emphasise her point, Sakura added an icy glare to her visage. Naruto had to admit that, for someone with no training in intimidation tactics, she was doing a decent job.

Unfortunately for Naruto, Kakashi picked up on what Sakura had said, instead of tuning her out like Sasuke seemed determined to do.

"Yes, that is a good question," he said pensively. "How do you know what D-ranks are like, Naruto? After all, you haven't been turning up to them."

It was then that it fully hit Naruto.

At first, Naruto had just thought Kakashi was trying to put him in his place. You know, the whole 'I don't give a damn how long you've been working for Konohagakure, I'm still a jounin and your commanding officer' act. But, now, Naruto realised that Kakashi wasn't just trying to take Naruto down a few pegs, he simply _didn't _know.

Kakashi had no actual idea that Naruto had been in the organisation since he was twelve. He had no idea that he had spent the entirety of his summer that year doing unending D-ranks as punishment for breaking into the Hokage's office.

Which, Naruto thought, begged the question: why? As his commanding officer, Kakashi should have been privy to at least _some_ of his dirty little secrets… Unless…

Naruto couldn't help it. A small chuckled escaped from his lips.

Sakura and Sasuke were looking at Naruto like he was a deranged criminal. Did he just stage an evil laugh?

Kakashi merely raised his eyebrows, mentally planning a psyche evaluation for Naruto.

"We'll talk about this later. For now, I'll run the game-play by you guys," he said. "Right, so our client wants us to steal some files from Gatou Corp HQ in Wave." Kakashi unfurled a plan of the capital city of Wave. He pointed to a large building near the town hall.

"This is Gatou Corp HQ," he explained. "And it is literally a security nightmare."

"Uh, Kaka-sensei," Sakura interjected. "Is that security nightmare as in good, or security nightmare is in bad?"

"Security nightmare as in good for us, bad for them," Kakashi explained. "A civilian could probably walk in, steal some computer equipment and get out alive."

_Which begs the question, Kakashi,_ Naruto added mentally,_ why haven't they? Come on, it's not that hard to see there's more to this…_

"Naruto," Kakashi said. "Seeing as you proved to be the best at infiltration in the Bell Test, you're going to be taking point on this operation."

Naruto's eyebrows shot into his hairline. He hadn't been expecting _that. _From the glare that Sasuke was shooting him, neither had he.

"Maa, maa," Kakashi said, sensing the animosity, "let's not quarrel. This is a real job; things like fairness are side-lined whilst we deal with safety and the client's wishes." Kakashi paused, allowing his protégés to cool off, before continuing. "Sasuke, you're taking computer programming, at the Academy, right?"

"Hn," Sasuke said.

Kakashi, who was an expert at reading people, took the slight upwards inflection in his grunt to mean 'yes'.

"Well, you'll be looking at it from the more virtual point of view. Tazuna informed us that his data was stolen in hard-copy form, as he couldn't afford a computer, but any smart business man knows to keep both electrical and physical copies of data. Once Naruto has stolen whatever physical copies of data they have lying around, you and I are going to ransack Gatou Corp's mainframe system."

Sasuke nodded, seemingly satisfied.

Kakashi turned to Sakura.

"Sakura, you're going to be playing house."

"Excuse me?" the pinkette asked.

"Gatou Corp, having stolen the formulae and research from Tazuna, aren't about to leave a job unfinished. For the majority of our time there, you and I are going to be playing the part of Tazuna's distant cousins from Taki, whilst serving as protection for his family."

"Is it going to be that dangerous?" Sakura asked, sounding somewhat fearful.

Kakashi shook his head.

"Of course not, Sakura," he replied. "This is just a simple C-rank. I'm just treating this like a higher ranked mission so you get used to how they operate." Kakashi smiled. "That and the First C-rank Curse."

"Curse, Kaka-sensei?" Sakura queried.

Kakashi nodded.

"In Konohagakure," he explained, "we have an urban legend of sorts: The First C-rank Curse. It basically states that on your first C-rank, everything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

"Huh," Sakura said, swallowing her fear.

Kakashi, having finished with Sakura, turned to Naruto and Sasuke.

"You and Naruto," he said, "are playing the part of old buddies, visiting Wave for the panoramic views and picturesque beaches, whilst on holiday from Yu no Kuni."

Kakashi paused, then withdrew three files from his bag.

"These are your cover IDs," he said. "As this is only a C-rank, you shouldn't be under too much scrutiny. However, it is good to get into the habit of memorising every detail from your IDs as soon as possible. Study them tonight. We'll be catching the Shuttle at 1000hrs tomorrow morning, so be prompt. Any questions?"

Sakura was still stewing over the idea of the First C-rank Curse in her head. Sasuke was fuming that he had to spend time around Naruto for his cover. Naruto was mulling over the details of his cover identity.

Kakashi grinned as his three genin said relatively little.

"Good."

* * *

The Hi no Kuni Shuttle Port always seemed to be in a constant state of frenzy to Naruto. When Naruto was thirteen, Jiraiya and he used to run drills in the crowded halls and corridors leading to shuttles, as, Jiraiya had said, there was nothing more dangerous than a crowd to a bodyguard assignment.

Naruto knew the port inside out by now. He knew which were the best escape routes, which doors could be opened with a few well-placed bribes, which staff were Konohagakure plants. He knew how he would go about taking a Shuttle hostage, and how to drive one if the situation called for it.

Such knowledge was not in his palm as he stepped forth into the Kawa no Kuni Shuttle Port, twitching beneath his wig.

There were no direct Shuttles to Nami from Fire Country. Routing through Kawa no Kuni, or River Country, was the only way to reach the far off, isolated settlement. They'd been forced to break their journey into two, stopping overnight and staying in a cheap hotel, and this fact was making Naruto jumpy.

They'd given their opposition, who Naruto knew were more dangerous than Tazuna made them out to be, the one thing that they couldn't afford to doll out: time.

Time was what was needed to set up an ambush. Time was always needed to call in reinforcements. Time was one of the most valuable resources in the Shinobi World, and Naruto knew better than most that it was something that should be conserved.

Naruto looked around the entry way to Kawa no Kuni's Shuttle Port, then spoke under his breath, barely moving his mouth.

"I've just walked through the door," he said.

He was dressed in Tazuna's clothes, almost as a direct copy of the client. Right down to the manner in which he walked, Naruto seemed to be Tazuna's almost perfect twin.

Naruto had no objections whatsoever to playing decoy. He knew that Sasuke and Sakura had both nominated him under the belief that he would be the first to die if there _were _people targeting Tazuna – Kakashi had spun the entire exercise as a team building thing – and that was by far the most agreeable arrangement for them.

Of course, he doubted that they had done it knowing that there were, in fact, people out to kill Tazuna. Out of the corner of his eye, Naruto spotted Sasuke, dressed as a commuter, buying a cup of coffee.

Naruto began to walk.

Above his cup of coffee, Sasuke's eyes darted over the room. In all honesty, this was a bit of a drag. All he had to do was watch Naruto, which was pretty boring all in all. He raised his hand to his ear.

"No signs of a tail as of yet," he intoned monotonously into his ear-piece.

Almost immediately, Naruto's reply came in.

"Sasuke, get your hand away from your ear," he muttered.

Sasuke frowned. What was that? He pressed his hand harder against his ear piece, hoping to jam it further in.

"Naruto?"

"Sasuke! Get your hand away from your ear right now!" Naruto hissed.

"Naruto, I can't hear you," Sasuke was saying hurriedly.

"Get your fucking hand away from your fucking ear right now!" Naruto stopped in his walk. "Shit!"

Kakashi's voice came back over the radio.

"Naruto, what's wrong?"

"I have a tail," Naruto replied, trying his best to maintain calm. Sasuke was easy as pie to pick out from a crowd as a bodyguard. If he didn't act soon… Well, Sasuke's brain would probably end up splattered on the ground.

"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said, formulating a plan.

"Yes, Naruto?"

"What I'm about to do," he began. "Run with it."

There wasn't time for Kakashi to reply as Naruto made a show of whirling around and spotting the men tailing him. Kakashi's eyes widened at what he was about to do. He wanted to scream down the radio at Naruto and tell him not to do it, but he bit down the impulse.

He and Sakura watched in silence as Naruto began to run.

To Sakura, it wasn't the controlled sprint she'd seen Naruto use in sports lessons, or the light jog he seemed to use whenever he was late to detention with Iruka, but a panicked, flailing run. It seemed to her like a run of desperation.

Her heart leapt into her throat as Kakashi began to move also. Was he going to save Naruto?

"Kaka-sensei," she asked, as he grabbed her hand and dragged her down from their vantage point. "Where are we going?"

"Sakura," he commanded in a voice that made Sakura feel like she should salute, or something. "Go fetch the client."

Sakura nodded dumbly as Kakashi sprinted off, blending into the crowd.

* * *

Naruto tried to map out what he knew of Kawa no Kuni Shuttle Port's layout in his head. He had a somewhat patchy idea of how it was laid out. All Shuttle Ports had a somewhat similar base-plan, but then again, Kawa no Kuni wasn't exactly mainstream.

Naruto skidded around a corner, his cheap shoes squeaking on the floor. He was sweating beneath his heavy clothes as he pelted down corridors, barely thinking as he rounded corners at seemingly random intervals.

Adrenaline coursed through Naruto's veins, a reaction he was well used to. Even as he dived through a door and down a staircase, Naruto couldn't help but smile grimly through his gritted teeth. It was like his sixteenth birthday party all over again.

Naruto reached the bottom of the staircase, and pulled open the room door in front of him … to find a cleaning supplies room. His muscles twitched as he battled between his fight and flight instincts. Naruto's heart was still beating hard against his chest when he heard the pounding footsteps behind him catch up.

The blond felt his heart in his throat. This was it. Time to see if his gamble had paid off.

"Hands up!" he heard his pursuer shout.

Slowly, Naruto raised his hands above his head, turning around. A man, dressed in a scruffy black coat, with unruly, long black hair glared at him from behind his gun. Naruto unwillingly processed his appearance, his identity coming to Naruto immediately: he was an _Oni Kyoudai._

The Oni Kyoudai were a group of nuke-nin from Kiri who had banded together in order to survive. They had called themselves Oni Kyoudai, or Demon Brothers, and declared themselves Pledged Siblings. It had once been a rather large faction – where factions of nuke-nin were concerned – composing of around fifteen members, but they attracted too much attention and were wiped out by a hit squad three years ago. Rumours spoke of two survivors: Gozu and Meizu.

"End of the line, Tazuna," the man said. "You shouldn't have tried to run from Wave."

_This really is like my sixteenth birthday, _Naruto thought to himself. His amusement at this fact managed to break through his heightened anxiety and he had to repress a snicker. Luckily, the man holding a gun to his head didn't notice this.

"Any last words?" the Oni Kyoudai asked.

"Yes, drop your weapon."

The person who spoke wasn't Naruto. Standing behind the Oni Kyoudai, holding a kunai to Naruto's pursuer's throat was Hatake Kakashi, his gaze hard. Naruto breathed an internal sigh of relief.

Naruto watched as the Oni Kyoudai's face contorted into a frown. Naruto could literally see the options flying across the man's face. He was debating whether to surrender, whether to make a break for it, whether to just shoot his target regardless of his impending death… Kakashi's next words sealed the deal.

"Oh and don't even think of calling for back-up," the silver-haired jounin said calmly. "Your Pledged Brother – Meizu, was it? – has already been dealt with."

Slowly, the Oni Kyoudai stretched out his arm and threw his weapon away from his body. Kakashi motioned to it with his spare hand and Naruto picked the gun up from the floor. Calmly, confidently, even, he checked the gun over.

There, inscribed into the barrel, in elegant Romanised script, was the trademark phrase: _Gozu no Kusari. _Gozu's Chain. Normally, Naruto would nod or even grin that he was right, but this spelled trouble. Why? Because the last two remaining Oni Kyoudai were known associates of one extremely dangerous man. Naruto prayed to Kami that these two were merely free-lancing the job, not working in conjunction with _that person. _

Kakashi withdrew his kunai from Gozu's neck and Naruto watched the man breathe a sigh of relief, relaxing. Kakashi then hit the end of his kunai straight into the Oni Kyoudai's skull, knocking him unconscious.

Putting his kunai away, Kakashi turned to Naruto.

"We're going to talk about what you did later, Naruto," Kakashi declared, shouldering the heavy nuke-nin. "But, for now, I think we ought to go speak to our client, don't you?"

* * *

Tazuna stared straight into the narrowed eyes of Hatake Kakashi. Shit, shit, shit. Wave was doomed. They'd found out. There was only one thing for it.

Tazuna reached up into his coat pocket and withdrew a photograph. Yes, it was shameless sob-story time.

* * *

_I have seen the Wave Arc rehashed sixty ways to this Sunday, no exaggeration. I have seen Haku and Zabuza switch sides so many times it's a miracle they even know who they should be fighting for anymore, Naruto awaken countless bloodlines which I doubt ever existed in canon, and various members of Team 7 end up romantically involved with each other. I have never seen it done this way. Go figure._

_So, you guys got to see a bit more of Naruto's past. My beta and I have actually written an interlude chapter detailing the events of the Forbidden Scroll Incident, which will be published after we finish the Wave Arc._

_Tazuna's story is told at the beginning of the next chapter._

_Hmm, the random bits of Japanese used interchangeably with English… Man, it's probs just because I'm too lazy to pick one and stick to it._

_**Useful Translations  
**__Kawa no Kuni – River Country  
Kaminari no Kuni – Lightning Country  
Tsuchi no Kuni – Stone Country  
Taki – short for Takigakure no Sato – meaning village hidden in the waterfalls  
Yu no Kuni – Hot Water Country  
Oni Kyoudai – Demon Brothers (about this, I couldn't resist expanding it, so shoot me :P)_

_As for chakra in this world, it does exist. It just isn't used for much, in fact the art is all but lost. There was one clan that used chakra, but they only used it for one specific purpose. No points for guessing who and what for._

_As for Naruto's sixteenth birthday, and what happened then… Maybe you'll never know…_

_Sorry about the chapter title, couldn't think of anything better._

_Over and Out,_

_FriedIce_

_PS: Review! I worked really hard on this update, so review!_


	5. The Beach Boys

**Pre-chapter notes: **sorry, this has been a long time coming. I really have had this in the works since the last chapter came out, but only just finalised everything. Oh and, **this chapter is dedicated to ****peacockblue****, or, as I call her, ****Katalan****, for actually making me get off my ass and write it. **Katalan, sometimes I regret ever getting you into Naruto… But then we have another Naruto-themed discussion and I'm proved otherwise.

* * *

**Chapter Five – The Beach Boys**

_Shinobi are a finite resource, which means you have to get them from somewhere. The various organisations across the worlds each have their own preferred method for finding new meat. For example, Konohagakure recruits almost exclusively from its paired academies throughout Fire Country, the most notable being the aptly named Academy in the capital city. Other groups, such as Kiri's renowned Bloodline Hunters recruit from their nation's universities, generally seeking a more mature trainee. And finally, you have the outcasts of the Shinobi world, such as Kusagakure, which, to this day, still use child soldiers – a practice which is reviled in most countries across the galaxy._

"Wave is different to Fire Country," Tazuna said, speaking slowly as if he were choosing each word carefully. In a way, he was. His future – his country's future – depended upon whether or not these people believed him. "It's not as built up and we have rather unpredictable weather patterns. The majority of our livelihood is garnered from low-tech farming, something which isn't exactly reliable."

The Uzumaki was nodding in front of him, obviously having read about Wave's plight.

"For the past three years, however, we have had no rainfall whatsoever. Water has become a resource of higher value than gold in Nami and the only water we have to drink and cook with has to be heavily purified from the sea water or shipped in from elsewhere. We tried using sea water to water our crops, but the high salt and pollution concentration kills them."

Here, Tazuna paused. Thinking of his son-in-law was still painful.

"A few years ago, a grad-student from a prestigious university in Mizu came to Wave," Tazuna continued. "His name was Kaiza. He was the first person to propose the idea of genetically modifying crops to be resistant to the pollutants and high salt levels of the sea water. He and I began to work on it together, and he poured all of his inheritance into developing this crop." Tazuna felt his hands begin to quake. He wanted his hip-flask. He wanted to take a swig of alcohol. He wanted to make all the pain go away. "He was like a son to me. He was, in fact my son. A year ago, he married my daughter, Tsunami." Tazuna handed Kakashi the photo of his family together, sat on a pier, Kaiza grinning, holding them all together.

"Kaiza and I worked on this project of ours day and night, never really breathing a word of it to anyone. Last month, I was working late, trying to crack the last problem. We'd made significant progress together and had almost succeeded in creating a form of GM potato. All of a sudden, Kaiza called me, telling me that he had made a breakthrough and to meet him at the lab. He sounded so happy and kept telling me that he'd cracked it and we'd done it. I rushed down to meet him."

It was so tempting to take a swig of alcohol, but Tazuna resisted the urge. He had to be sober for this.

"When I arrived," Tazuna continued, "the lab was on fire. Everything, all of our research went up in smoke. Every last sample, every last test subject, everything was gone. At first I thought it was just a freak accident – a tragedy that my family would have to face – but when I got home I found that my office had been ransacked too. It all seemed a bit too coincidental. So I followed up on everything and, a month later, I found out who had done it: Gatou Corp. I didn't stand a chance against such a large organisation, I knew that. Konohagakure was my last hope."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes.

"You aren't telling us everything about Gatou Corp," he said. "There's no way some corporate scumbags would go as far as to hire people with the notoriety of the two remaining Oni Kyoudai for something as simple as this."

"You don't get it!" Tazuna exclaimed, briefly losing it. "Gatou Corp is dangerous! They're not just corporate scumbags, they're the types of people you never cross! They're corrupt to the core! I sealed my fate the moment I left Wave to find help. They're going to find me and kill me – I know! But I don't care. I just want to save Nami! I want my grandson to be able to grow up without worrying about having enough to eat! I want Kaiza's dream to be complete!"

Tazuna dropped to the ground.

"Please!" he begged. "I don't care what you do to me, just, please, save Nami."

Kakashi looked at Tazuna without emotion. The man was a wreck, no denying that, and needed help, but Konohagakure wasn't a charity organisation and the fact remained that he had misled them had put his team – put his sensei's son – in danger. _That _was something that he could never forgive.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi said without feeling. "You sealed your fate the moment you lied to my team." Kakashi then turned to Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke, who had watched the entire ordeal. "We're leaving. This mission's at least B-ranked now; it's too dangerous for us to continue."

Every single word that came out of Kakashi's mouth caused Tazuna's head to drop lower and lower. Wave was doomed. His family was doomed. He was doomed.

"No."

That one word made Tazuna lift his face off the floor in shock. The blond Uzumaki – what had been his name, Natsu? – was staring Hatake Kakashi down with a glare that would cause lesser men to recoil in horror.

"Excuse me?" Kakashi asked, his tone dangerously level.

"I said 'no', Kakashi," the Uzumaki said, mirroring Kakashi's tone. "No, I'm not going to turn away from this mission. No, I don't give a damn that it's gone B-ranked. We started this job, we're going to finish it."

"This isn't up for discussion, Naruto," Kakashi growled. Ah, Naruto. That was his name.

"I agree with the dobe," the emo-kid spoke up.

Dobe? Tazuna wanted to snort despite the circumstances. Was the Uchiha honest-to-Kami calling one of the Last Uzumaki 'dead last'? Wasn't that the equivalent of signing your own death warrant? In blood?

"See," Naruto said emphatically. "_Sasuke _agrees with me." There was a hint of sarcasm in Naruto's tone as he spoke.

"Well I think you're forgetting something, Naruto," Kakashi said. "I'm your kami-damned commanding officer and I'm saying that we are _not _taking this job further. My word is final."

Naruto raised his eyebrows.

It was something of a social faux-pas to drop out of a mission half-way through, no matter what the reason was. A lot of Genin Teams had previously found themselves very dead in the past because of mis-labelled B or even A-ranks and the fact that their commanding officer had simply refused to give up on the mission half-way through. Luckily, Konohagakure's analysts and the like had gotten much, much better at detecting mis-labelled missions and Konohagakure's commanding officers much, much better at either abandoning the mission or calling for backup.

That didn't stop the fact that most jounin like Kakashi would have rather been seen dead than have a rumour circulating that they couldn't handle themselves. So, the fact that Kakashi was fully prepared to sacrifice the mission for his team made him admirable. Annoying, in this case, because Naruto _had _to continue, but admirable all the same.

Which made Naruto feel really, _really _bastardly for what he was about to do.

"Code 42," the blond stated monotonously.

"Code 42?" Sakura echoed. She shot a look at Sasuke, who merely raised his eyebrows.

"Code 42?" Kakashi repeated, barely able to conceal his shock.

"Code 42 of the Konohagakure Accords," Naruto expanded, "states that if a subordinate believes their commanding officer is not acting in the best interests of Konohagakure, they may call a vote of no confidence against him in order to force his hand on the area of disagreement."

Kakashi blinked twice, not really sure he was hearing this. His _Genin _Team was activating Code 42?! Code 42 was an esoteric piece of the Accords that had been written in during the Second Secret War, when Konohagakure had been having a problem with enemy plants within the organisation. It was designed to help sniff out superior officers who may be moles. It wasn't meant to be used for … well, for _this._

"Yes, I know what Code 42 is," Kakashi said a little irritably. "What I meant is… You're _mutinying _against me?"

"Not _technically_," Naruto admitted, "but, for all intents and purposes, yes." Naruto paused, allowing what he had said to sink in a bit. "Sasuke," he eventually said, turning to the raven-haired boy. "I presume I have your vote?"

Sasuke nodded silently. Then, he added, "Yes," just in case vocal confirmation was needed.

Kakashi stared – because _screw_ his concealing your emotions shtick, he was _bewildered_ – at Naruto, who turned his blond head of hair to Sakura.

"Sakura?"

Tazuna found his gaze drifting to the pink-haired girl, who flinched under the scrutiny she was receiving. Sakura looked down at her feet, fiddling nervously with her hands. In all honesty, Tazuna couldn't quite believe it, but his fate was currently in the hands of a hormonal seventeen-year old girl. Fan-bloody-tastic.

The atmosphere in the room seemed to crackle with tension as she considered her decision. Eventually, the pink-haired girl stopped fiddling with her hands and spoke up.

"I think I'd like to continue, Kaka-sensei," she said, raising her head slowly, her gaze hardening. "Much as I hate to admit it, Naruto's right. We took this mission on and we have to finish it."

Tazuna breathed an open sigh of relief. It was OK, Wave would be saved. It was going to be fine.

Kakashi swallowed his shock at what was happening, donning a poker face and looking at Naruto suspiciously. This didn't add up, not in the slightest.

He wasn't lying. Code 42 was esoteric – a piece of legislation from _decades _ago, and one that's everyday use was limited to the history books. Naruto – his _genin student – _shouldn'thave known that it even had existed. Then there was the fact that Naruto had a knowledge of what D-ranks consisted of, despite having never been on one whilst he was under Kakashi's care. _And then _there was the run Naruto had pulled _for the sole purpose _of drawing out his tail.

All this added up to one thing: Naruto wasn't as much of a greenhorn as Kakashi thought. Which meant one of the higher-ups was screwing with him – with the both of them. And Kakashi had quite a good idea who it was.

"If it's what my cute students want," Kakashi said, forcing the lightness into his tone, "I guess I have no choice, do I?" He added an insincere smile for effect, but allowed it to drop off as his expression hardened. "But rest assured, we will be revisiting this when we get back to Fire Country."

Kakashi felt a small amount of cheer filter back into him when he noticed that all of his students were twitching nervously. He hadn't lost all of his intimidation factor, it seemed. Before he next spoke, Kakashi allowed his gaze to soften. It was time to lay down the rules.

"Before we continue," Kakashi informed his three protégés, "I need to make sure you understand just how _dangerous_ this could get. At one point, I may tell you to run into the midst of gunfire, or to shoot to kill. I may even tell you to slit the throat of a man you only met that morning. Whatever it is, you are going to follow my orders to the letter. If I say to _fucking_ jump, you _jump_. You don't ask 'how high', you don't question 'why', you just _do._"

Sakura gulped, but still nodded resolutely. Beside her, Sasuke was the picture of stoicism, but he too nodded. Naruto barely inclined his head, but his expression spoke volumes of just how bad he knew this could get.

"I'm going to call in a Konohagakure ANBU squad to pick up these two," Kakashi kicked the unconscious forms of the Demon Brothers with his foot, "and take them back to Fire Country. I'll see what I can do about some backup if it's necessary. Naruto, you're coming with me. Sasuke, Sakura, guard the client."

With that, Kakashi turned out of the room, leaving Tazuna thanking his lucky stars. He owed the Uzumaki one.

Naruto looked quickly between Kakashi's retreating form and Tazuna, before nodding once and leaving the room.

* * *

Kakashi babbled the code into the receiver, barely thinking about what he was saying. Naruto was standing, barely feet behind him, looking like a school student waiting to see the Headmaster. Kakashi signed off the phone call and slammed his mobile shut.

He was perfectly calm.

He turned around to face Naruto.

Oh who was he kidding? He was fucking pissed off.

"Naruto," Kakashi said, very, very slowly, severity evident in every word he spoke. "I am giving you this chance to explain yourself, which is far more than most people would give you, and I expect you to take it. You are going to tell me, in great detail, what is going on, and you are not going to leave anything out. Are we clear?"

Naruto's brain flickered by everything at high speed. Dangerous as it was to be operating under a commanding officer who didn't fully know his team's capabilities, Naruto didn't trust Kakashi. He didn't really trust anyone. He couldn't afford to. His heritage, combined with half the things he had done since he joined Konohagakure, would make him the hottest target in the Bingo Book, within seconds of someone finding out.

So, Naruto fell back on his favourite cover.

"What are you talking about Kakashi-sensei?" he asked, voice deceitfully innocent.

"Don't play dumb with me, Naruto," Kakashi hissed. "It doesn't suit you. I know your type. You're very smart, most likely smarter than me—"

"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto interrupted, the wide, blinking innocence second nature now. "What are you talking about? I'm not smart. I barely manage to place in the ranking system at school—"

"Please do not insult my intelligence by sticking with the façade any longer," Kakashi said, sounding a bit resigned. "I may be stupider than you, Naruto, but I am by no means an idiot."

"In all honesty, Kakashi, I have no idea what you are talking about," Naruto said.

Kakashi smiled triumphantly and Naruto noticed his slip up.

"You see, Naruto," Kakashi said. "It's little things like that drop of an honorific that jounins like me pick up on." Naruto said nothing. Kakashi sighed. "Look, Naruto, you probably don't know this because you've been skipping out on all of the D-ranks, but I would walk through fire and back for my teammates. 'Those with no regard for the rules are scum, but those who abandon their teammates in favour of the rules are worse than scum.' The person who told me that was wise, wiser than I gave him credit for, and he ended up dead because I didn't listen to him."

Kakashi fixed Naruto with a one-eyed stare. "So when I say that I _care _about my team, I mean it. I'm not going to out you to an enemy and it goes against protocol for me to ask this, but I need to know. Do you have a Se. Mi.?"

Naruto really wanted to take Hatake Kakashi at face value. But he couldn't.

And so, he frowned.

"What are you talking about, Kakashi-sensei?" he asked, blinking up at the white-haired man. "I mean, new Konohagakure scouts aren't allowed to carry guns, let alone semi-automatics—"

This seemed to push Kakashi over the edge.

"Do not pull this crap with me, Naruto," Kakashi all but shouted at the blond. "I don't know jack about you – that much may be true – but you are still my subordinate! And, before you get one of us killed on this mission, I need to know: do you have a Se. Mi.?"

Naruto blinked at the outburst from his mentor, dialogue from a conversation with Jiraiya playing in his head.

"_I don't know if you've noticed, kid, but you're damned annoying—"_

"_Hey!"_

"_It isn't a bad thing. You have this innate ability to make people snap. I swear to kami, kid, you could make a nun want to strangle you. So use this ability. Push people to the limit. Make them snap. Get them to do exactly what you want without even realising it. Give them what they want, but taunt them for a bit, play with them. Manipulate them into a corner."_

Naruto resisted the urge to smirk.

"Officially, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said, "I don't. Unofficially, the Hokage is aware that Gatou Corp is a front for something and I am to find out what that something is."

Kakashi sighed, running a hand through his silver hair. If he were older than thirty, he would be complaining about how he was too old for this.

This sort of thing pissed him off. Secondary Missions - or Se. Mi.'s as they were affectionately called - had something of a bad reputation among Shinobi, despite the fact that nearly every member of Konohagakure had been assigned one at some point in their life. The reason for this was one Kakashi was intimately familiar with. Se. Mi.'s caused a lack of cohesion within teams. Se. Mi.'s gave people an ulterior motive. It had been a Se. Mi. that had ripped Kakashi's team apart.

During the Third Secret War, the use of Se. Mi.'s had been taken to a new level. _Everyone_ had an alternative objective to the primary mission and it was each Shinobi for their own. You had to watch your own back, because everyone else had their eyes on their own prize. Teamwork was all but abolished. Kakashi had been, not for the first time, alone, but surrounded by people.

And then he'd been assigned the Se. Mi. that changed his life forever. It changed the war, too. Iwagakure made a mistake. They created a monster in their enemy.

The war ended barely two months later, Konohagakure the decisive victors.

And Konohagakure made that same monster that Iwagakure created their leader. A new decree three days later led to the practice of Se. Mi.'s being almost completely abolished.

Almost.

Kakashi was many things. He was always late, for starters. He was smart. He was a good Shinobi. What he wasn't, however, was the type of person who could go against the Sandaime on matters like this and win. He could come close, but that was it.

"When we get back to Konohagakure, Naruto," Kakashi said, biting back the urge he had to slip into the past. He started to walk back to the remainder of his team. "We are having a long discussion about your abilities."

Kakashi left the room, traipsing down the stairs, past the unconscious Oni Kyoudai and towards his team.

When he got back to Konohagakure, Naruto wasn't the only person he would be talking to. There were certain things he needed to discuss with the Hokage, for one.

And, though Kakashi may not have been able to win against the Hokage in many areas, in _this _area…

Hatake Kakashi smiled slightly.

…He could beat the Hokage into the ground

* * *

Tazuna's house wasn't particularly extravagant by Hi no Kuni's standards, but after barely minutes in Wave, Kakashi could tell that it was practically luxurious compared to those around it. That said, its security system sucked. Kakashi could have picked the locks on Tazuna's door with a ball of yarn. Not that he would have needed to – there was a broken window in the upstairs bathroom that was practically a right of way to any Shinobi with skills to boast of.

Naruto and Sasuke had peeled off from their group at the Shuttle Port, already dressed up in their tourist clothes and ready to do some scouting. Kakashi had told them to be cautious – with a pointed look at Naruto in particular – and to radio-in if they had any trouble.

An hour walk later and Kakashi and Sakura had arrived in front of Tazuna's house, watching as a particularly beautiful young woman had thrown her arms around Tazuna's neck. Kakashi had been biting down comments such as 'trophy wife' right up until he recognised her from the photo. She was Tazuna's daughter, Tsunami.

Tsunami was one of those mothers that looked like they would have been more suitable to a career in modelling than as a housewife. She floated around the kitchen, cooking with an ease that suggested she had been doing it a long time. After she had finished chopping vegetables with a dangerously sharp knife, she turned around to start a conversation. Long black hair framed her flawlessly pale face and she stared out at the pair of Shinobi in front of her through delicate, long eyelashes.

"Father tells me you're our relatives from Taki," Tsunami said as a conversation starter, smiling a dazzling smile. "Tell me, how are things in Waterfall?"

Kakashi looked up from his book. He'd traded his copy of Icha Icha for one by the same author, but more innocent in nature. It certainly wasn't as spicy as Icha Icha, but it was a decent read an remarkably well written.

"Not bad all in all," Kakashi answered. "You probably heard about our local elections right?"

"Oh yes," she said. "If I recall correctly, Hiroshiya Suien was the one to win, am I right?"

Kakashi and Sakura were sat at the table, the latter nursing a mug of herbal tea. Sakura calmly placed the mug on the table after taking a long sip.

"It was a narrow victory," she interjected. "In all honesty, we were scared we would have a hung parliament. We don't need that sort in instability in this economic climate."

Kakashi shot Sakura a complimentary smile. Blushing slightly, Sakura continued. "We learnt all about it at Akazenshin," she said. "I'm studying politics."

"Ah," Tsunami said, nodding. "How do you enjoy that?"

Sakura shrugged. "The classes aren't too hard, but we do get a lot of prep. Our teacher's pretty cool, though." A small glint entered her eye. "Even if he has trouble with punctuality."

"Maa, maa, Mako-chan," Kakashi interrupted. "I'm sure that Tsunami-san here doesn't want to listen to your petty squabbles about school."

"But tou-san—"

"_Mako,_" Kakashi's tone took on a warning edge, like a parent scolding his child.

Sakura pouted.

"Fine," she said, reluctantly, then reached for her cup, glaring petulantly at Kakashi.

Silence reigned over the kitchen for a few seconds before Kakashi snapped his book shut.

"Review time!" he said cheerfully. "First off, Tsunami-san, can you tell us any things that struck you as odd?"

Tsunami blinked at the sudden change in atmosphere.

"Well," she began. "I don't think I've ever heard the word 'prep' before…"

Kakashi nodded, turning to Sakura.

"Prep," he informed her, "short for preparatory work, is a word that is really native to Fire Country, or more specifically, upper-class education institutes in Fire Country. The word is not used frequently in Taki, although they do have an equivalent. In exclusive single-sex boarding schools in Taki, particularly boys' schools, students will use the word 'toytime' to refer to homework. This word is only rarely found in everyday conversation, however, and most students, including those at the university specified in your cover, just use 'homework' to refer to prep."

Sakura nodded studiously, obviously memorising this for future use.

"Secondly," Kakashi continued, "taking pure politics at Akazenshin is impossible. You would take PPE – politics, philosophy and ethics – instead. This slip-up, however, is not dire, as many students merely refer to PPE as politics as it is easier."

Kakashi reached across the table and took Sakura's cup of herbal tea away from her.

"Herbal tea is a rarity in Waterfall," he explained. "Most people who live there wouldn't even know of its existence, let alone proclaim it their favourite when asked."

Sakura stared longingly at her tea-cup. Kakashi sighed and pushed it back.

"Lastly," he said. "Use of the terms 'tou-san', 'tou-chan', et cetera, et cetera, are viewed as a symbol of distance, not a symbol or closeness as they are in Fire Country. For you, my daughter, who is supposedly very close to me, to refer to me as 'tou-san' would be odd to say the least. Most families merely use 'papa' for their father and 'mama' for their mother in Waterfall."

Kakashi re-opened his book.

"Other than that, Mako-chan," he said, "you did well. Tsunami-san? Continue."

* * *

Wave was truly beautiful; there was no denying that.

Naruto and Sasuke had separated from the rest of the group, donned the infamous socks and sandals combination and babbled their way through the city, acting like a pair of excited tourists. No one had looked twice at the duo as they snapped countless shots of each other with an expensive camera. No one had particularly cared when they obnoxiously stopped passers-by and asked for directions.

No one thought that they were any more than what they appeared to be.

Sasuke had done a good job, Naruto privately thought. Stoic bastard that he was, it was surprising to see him relax into his new identity in such a way. Sasuke had had training in how to maintain a cover, Naruto could tell that for certain.

Nami had a somewhat rustic feel to it, with the battered buildings and poorly maintained roads, but it was different. It wasn't Fire Country, with its zany mix of technology and trees. It wasn't Capital – Fire Country's equally odd capital city – but Wave had flavour.

Having travelled almost the entirety of Element-0 with Jiraiya, Naruto knew what made places unique. And Nami seemed to have an almost inextinguishable spirit. It was the type of place that you could rob dry, rename or even completely decimate, but it would still be undeniably _Nami. _

It was kind of a shame what it was hiding at its centre, all in all.

Naruto glanced sideways to Sasuke, lazily moving his hands into the Konohagakure sign for '_mission complete?'_, only glancing out of the corner of his eye to see the raven-haired boy's reaction. Sasuke stared at his hands in private shock for a moment, then barely inclined his head.

Tucking the camera away in its case, Naruto put on a show of yawning.

"Man, I'm tired," he said. "Let's go back to the hotel."

* * *

The next morning, Naruto found himself staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, memorising every single aspect of his new appearance. A green-eyed, red-haired male with thick glasses stared back at him as he fitted his earpiece.

Red hair was a colour most Shinobi chose to use for infiltration missions where they were posing as a techie. It was a throw-back to the days when, if you wanted anything _really _high-tech done, you would call an Uzumaki. Red hair was almost universally associated with intelligence nowadays, as it hinted at a distant relation to that once great clan.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror, Naruto was, for the first time in his life, thankful that he had inherited his father's hair colour. It wasn't that red hair didn't suit him, but more that he was realising now that his 'dead last' act wouldn't have been half as convincing if he actually _looked _like the Uzumaki he was.

A burst of squeaky static came through the earpiece. It took all of Naruto's self-restraint not to rip it out and scream a curse at it.

"Testing, testing, one-two, one-two," Kakashi's voice came through the earpiece. "Can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear," Naruto replied through gritted teeth. "Louder than I'd like," he added, mumbling.

"Don't mumble during the mission," Kakashi chided down the radio. "We need to have reliable ears on you at all times."

Naruto rolled his eyes.

Kakashi's cheerful tone quickly sobered.

"Blondie," Kakashi said seriously, "I understand that you have an Se. Mi., but I'm going to make this an order: if, at any point, the situation goes south, you are going to touch base before getting the hell out of there. Am I clear?"

"Crystal, sir," Naruto replied, his voice the picture of obedience.

"Good. Then, if you're ready… Commence the mission."

* * *

Naruto strode confidently through the doors of Gatou Corp's HQ. He was dressed in a clean-cut, pin-striped suit with an expensive looking tie practically choking him around his neck. From time to time, Naruto would use a free hand to push up his glasses, which seemed only slightly too big for him. It was all about creating a realistic persona, Jiraiya had once told him. Make yourself believable. So, Naruto was a twitchy and nervous post-graduate on one of his first jobs working in the IT industry.

As Naruto crossed the tiled floor of Gatou Corp's air-conditioned front room, he made sure to keep his gaze away from the cameras he knew were there. Twitchy and nervous post-graduates didn't pay any more attention to security cameras than the average bloke.

Upon seeing Naruto, the secretary, a stick-thin blonde woman whose face was covered by almost an inch of makeup, held up one hand. She finished nattering into a wireless and expensive-looking telephone before she slammed it down onto her desk and smiled a sickeningly sweet smile.

"I'm Kishimoto Masashi," Naruto introduced himself, pushing up his glasses as he did. "You called for a tech guy?"

A momentary frown passed its way across the secretary's features, but it flittered out almost the second Naruto noticed it. Not a newbie to the Shinobi world, Naruto noted. Ah, so NNI knew what they were doing.

"That's fine, Kishimoto-san," she said. "Of course, first I'll need you to sign in."

The blonde woman reached across her desk for a surprisingly old-fashioned sign-in sheet. It was actually printed on paper, instead of an electronic tablet like Naruto was used to seeing.

Naruto took the sheet and a pen off the woman, before starting to fill in the boxes. Wordlessly, he handed it back to her.

The blonde woman did a very good job concealing her shock.

There, resting on top of the sign-in sheet was Naruto's ID as a member of Toad Sage Publishing. Beneath it, clearly visible, written in capitals in one of the boxes was a sentence.

_I WANT TO SEE GATOU._

* * *

_Anyone get what 'toytime' is a dig at? Well, I have only one thing to say… coughWykehamistscough. Anyway, I know Kakashi trains them in tree-walking and that shtick in Wave, but I decided to have him see the need for my in-depth training in assuming a cover. Hence the tutoring session with Sakura._

_Anyone guess what NNI stands for?_

_Well, another chapter, another plot twist._

_Next time on A Ninja on the Edge of Nowhere:_

* * *

"Papa … I have something to tell you. I'm pregnant."

"Nooooo! My precious Mako-chan! Tell me who defiled you! I shall settle it man-to-man!"

"No, papa! I love him! Don't do this!"

"Give me a name! Tell me who it was!"

"It was … Inari."

*cue theme for Eastenders, you know, the one with the heavy beats*

* * *

_No, seriously, next time will be awesome. We have some grand-standing, some ninja-ing and we find out what NNI stands for. Yet again, feel free to guess._

_This is me, FriedIce, over and out._

_PS: Review, my minions! And I mean that in the most respectful way possible._

_EDIT: Sorry, fanfiction removed the words. It originally read Se . Mi . (remove spaces) but I guess it thought that it was a web address and censored it. Damn!_


End file.
